1. I am grateful for not starving. No really, I am very grateful for it. I've been thinking and thinking about Nectar in a Sieve. The family went through long periods of starvation, and they lost a child because of it. I know, I know...it is fiction. But it is not far from reality for so so so many people, in fact too many people. When I think about the industrial revolution and the advances we've made in both technology and farming, I feel really lucky to have been born in both a time and a place where going hungry is uncommon. In fact, perhaps the excess of food we have around here is something to be a bit embarrassed by because so many people have struggled and continue to struggle just to have enough to eat. That's really want it is. An embarrassment of riches.
2. Speaking of excess, the luxury I live in is not lost on me. I live in a large, beautiful home with running water that gets hot for me when I want to take a shower. Then, when I want to wash my clothing (another thing I have in excess), I go to a washing machine and throw my things in and they come out clean, but i didn't have to scrub anything. And when I want a warm meal, I can use any one of a number of devices to make a nice warm meal...the oven, the stove, the microwave. Oh and to sleep on mattresses and pillows with comfortable quilts and blankets and to kick back on the leather sofa and watch some movie or t.v. I seriously could go on and on about. I actually think my ancestors are probably shocked by the ease in which I live.
3. Well, as long as I am being grateful, I am grateful for my friend Dawn who let me borrow her car while she is gone for work. It allowed me to sleep in this morning. Otherwise, I would have had to get up early to drive my parents to the airport. This way, they could drive themselves, and then they have a car when they get back from Texas, and no one has to pick them up from the airport. Besides that, she filled it with gas before she left, which was ADORABLY sweet! What a good friend she is.
4. I am also really happy about and grateful for my last shopping trip. I love my new tops. It's surprising to me how much better I feel when I look put together. This not having a job thing has led to a few bad-ish habits, like spending a lot of time in pajamas. I noticed that last week, when I went to lunch with my sister, how I felt more confident and attractive. Today I wore a new top to church, and I really did feel pretty. I admit that it has been a long time since I've felt that way. Regardless of how I feel about my body, it does make a difference to put on my make-up and dress in nice clothing.
5. I'm okay if I don't have a job, and I'm okay if I don't know what I want to do with my life. This is the first time I think I can say that and really mean it. I've been calm all along...with moments of freaking out, but I've never felt okay okay about it, you know? Always it nagged me in the back of my mind that I wasn't working, and the student loans and the no car and the living with my family members. And then this week, as I've really had a good think think think about the man that I gave money to and how I felt after wards, I realized that I am okay. I still live in ease. I still have every one of my needs met and even some of my wants. Mostly, I think it comes from knowing that I am not lost to God. For that, more than anything else, I am grateful.
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