I Could Never

Now usually I refrain from saying "I could never" because, well, you guys, things happen when I do. I said that I could never live in Las Vegas and that I would never go to law school and that I would never go for a long stretch of time without a job and that I could never, ever make it into my thirties unmarried.

I'm dead serious about this. When my friend Lauren said she was moving back to Vegas, I said that it was great but that I could never live there. And then what happened? Oh right about six months later, I was her roommate in Vegas. And then I said that I would not go to law school, even though I thought I would be a lawyer when I was a teenager, because that would be horrid, going to law school. And guess what? I'm a lawyer now. I was in church one day and a woman was sharing this story about how her husband went without a job for two years before finally finding work. And I thought, ugh...glad I'll never go through that. And finally, at the ripe old age of eighteen, I found out my high school FBLA adviser, a wonderful Mrs. Boothe, was around thirty-one or thirty-two when she finally got married, and I thought to myself, good thing that won't be me!

So I'm learning not to say those words..."I could never." But today, and I am certain that this will never happen, but today I said that I could never be a doctor. Hospitals make me feel like passing out. Something about the smells of antiseptics and medication and people lying down in beds with those gowns on. Oh, there was that time I went to see my aunt, who had cancer, and the room got so hot, and I had to fight to stay on my feet. It wasn't seeing her so much as it was the sight of the IVs and all the smells that go along with medicating people and keeping the hospital clean and germ free. I just kept saying to myself, you must not pass out because this cannot be about you. The woman has cancer!!!

So but my mom, bless her heart, had to have surgery on Monday, and I went to the hospital last night and this afternoon to see her. I felt okay. I didn't get light headed or dizzy or weak kneed. But then she came home, and I could smell the hospital on her and I kept thinking about the surgery and oh bother, I started to feel a little woozy. I wasn't even in the hospital. By the way, I am so not making this up. So for once I think that I can safely say...I could never be a doctor, no not ever.