Measuring Success

I've talked a lot about feeling like a failure. I've come to realize that I'm awfully hard on myself. And even if I have had some failures, I've had some successes. It's easy to overlook that, especially when you feel like nothing is going your way.

But here are some things I've done that I am proud of.

1. I graduated from law school. I don't know if I want to practice law. But I graduated.
2. During the last three months of school I lost over fifteen pounds. I think I treat that like it's no big deal, but it is a big deal.
3. I passed the bar in Texas.
4. I had the guts to move to Utah even when it seems like it doesn't make any sense in my life.
5. I wrote four chapters for my book today.
6. I exercise on a very regular basis. I have been doing that for five months now.
7. I've been able to keep this going for seven months. Even though I want to quit doing it...a lot. I feel like it's a goal I need to see through to the bitter end.
8. I have gone three days now without eating sugary junk food. Trust me...the way I was packing it in, three days is a miracle.

Elder Uchtdorf said something at women's conference last weekend that has really stayed with me. He said that we are too hard on ourselves. I am really prone to picking on myself. I don't know why that is. It isn't like I'm this horrible person who does mean things and goes around hurting others. I suppose it stems from not being perfect, and I so wish I was.

These past few weeks I have felt very up and then very down. And to be frank, I'm really tired. Emotionally, that is. Exhausted, to be honest. And the thought occurs to me that maybe, just maybe, I might be driving the fatigue myself by being so hard on me. If someone else, for example, were to say the things that I say to myself day after day, I'd be pretty demoralized. I can't let myself continue to see myself that way.

It means that I have to start seeing the good in my life and in what I do. It means that even small things start to matter, and I need to chalk those things up to my abilities...my positive character traits. It means I need to create a new measure of success.