What Is This Faith Thing, Really? I Mean Really?

So here is a confession that'll probably embarrass me to no end. I'm a slow learner. When it comes to the really important things, that is. Sure, I get a lot of things the first go round. Like algebra and plural possessives...and even res ipsa loquitur and the commerce clause (okay so maybe those might take more than one go round, but I got them in a relatively respectable time frame). But I'm not talking about book learnin', here folks. Nope. I may get equations, logic, writing and grammar. But what always seems to take me time is the real stuff, like fear and faith and patience and doubt.

Today I've had some time to contemplate what God might be trying to say to me. Once upon a time, I was a BYU co-ed. And I had a big ole doozy of a crush on a super cute guy that I was just certain would be my soul mate. Girls, raise your hands if you've ever thought the wrong boy was your soul mate? Go on...admit it. I'm not the first girly-girl to think she'd met Mr. Right. It happened on a cold and icy night in January. I was going to the gym and had to run to my truck for my ear phones. I slipped on the ice between my truck and this huuuuge Bronco. And then all of a sudden, I hear my name. At first I couldn't figure it out...were the cosmos calling down to me? Then I looked up, up, up into that ginormous beast of a vehicle and saw a really (no, I'm not kidding...a REALLY) cute boy. I didn't know him from Adam. But he knew me and how flattering and oh how perfectly awesome. I just fell on my hind parts in front of dreamy Bronco boy. Ugh!

But the really big thing is coming. I had a super rough night that night and was just certain that no boys knew who I was and that they didn't care a bit about me and I was going to die...DIE...all by my lonesome self. And then there he was. Dreamy Bronco boy. He knew me, but I didn't know him and what was that all about? How flattering for my ego, I must tell you. My prayers had been answered, and he MUST be the one. I carried on with that for a while. And he did invite me over one night for some boxing match on pay-per-view. And he did ask me out on a date. And then he stood me up! Stood me up, peeps. Yet still, I was convinced of our "meant-to-be"-ness. Wha???? Really???? Clearly that did not pan out, and it took me a long while to figure it all out.

And then today I did. It's been twelve years - and no, I'm not still pining, thankyouverymuch! I may be sad and silly sometimes, but I am not that sad and silly. No, I mean what was God trying to tell me that night...that is what I think I'm finally starting to understand.

I already informed you about my happening to run into a certain John and Hannah Smith at the temple last Friday and how they are lawyers and how I'm looking for a job and did I mention how they are both lawyers? Well that they are. And what is God trying to point out to me in these situations? Will John and Hannah Smith help me find a job? Could be, I don't know. How-some-ever... I'm not going to waste time wondering and worrying about it. What I am going to do is be grateful for the reminder that God is aware of my circumstances, and He is working all kinds of angles for me. Many, many people from church and all over have my resume. And this is one more moment where I can look at my life and say, see, God knows. And He's whispering to me, "Hey, psst! You! Did you know I care about you? See. I'm putting things and people in your path all the time, and you just never know what will pan out. So settle down already!"

You see, when I was a child at BYU, I thought like a child. I didn't see what the Lord was getting at. That yes, the male species had noticed me and that no, I wasn't doomed for singledom forever and that for sure I could find a nice guy some day to get married with (I like the idea of married with not married to and some time soon, real soon, I'll tell y'all about it). The point being? Not that he was "the one", mind you, but more that I wasn't DOOMED.

And this job thing, or finding a car, getting a place of my own, paying off my ginormous law school loans, or even get a friend of the male variety...well, the Lord is there looking out for me. And me and my dreamy whoever man will come along. I'll pay my debts. I'll find a car. And life isn't about doubt, but faith. If you are afraid, then you aren't trusting that there is purpose and meaning and that God does have a plan. Because that's faith. Because if I really and truly believe Him, then I have no need to fear. I don't have to look to some big sign or the perfect moment to answer that nagging doubt.

I just look up to the heavens and say, "Thanks for one more tender mercy. Thanks for showing me that YOU have my back."