Regrets...And Hope

So I was reading Nat the Fat Rat's blog today, and she had a link to an article about the biggest regrets as expressed by the dying. The author, a nurse, says this:

"For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives

"People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

"When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again."

You can read her article here.

And these are the three that really hit home:

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I'm trying to learn to live life on my terms. I think going to law school taught me a valuable lesson. You do what you want to do because you love it, not because it makes the most pragmatic sense. Cliched as it is...follow your heart. And now that I'm out of law school and I've had a long time to stew over the decision and my own desires to actually practice law, I realize that I have to make a decision about my future that makes me happy. I loved law school, but I'm certain that I want other things from my life, now. I went, in some ways, because I thought not only that it was practical but that I had to go to graduate school. And it seemed like the only option for me. I wanted to live up to all those expectations others had of me, even that I had of me, but I wanted to do it in a safe way. I did all this only to learn that really, what I wanted back then is what I want now. To write novels. Lesson learned. Follow your heart.

I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

I am learning that there is a difference between insisting upon your own way/throwing a fit and communicating how you feel respectfully. I've always been afraid of saying what I want or of telling people how I really feel. Mostly because I'm afraid of hurting someone else, or I'm afraid of getting hurt myself. But I'm learning that there is a way to express you feelings appropriately, and that expressing your feelings matters. Relationships are much better that way. And I have never regretted being honest with others. It may have been hard at the time. It may have led to a spat here and there. And my expectations might have even been disappointed. However, I have never felt sorry that I expressed myself honestly, especially when it was scary.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I think that if I were going to die, and I knew it and I had a little time to contemplate it, this would be first on my list. I've spent so much time worrying about things that didn't matter. And I think that so often I think about the things that make me sad instead of the things that make me happy...time wasted worrying about what I don't have and forgetting to be thankful for what is mine.

I was struck pretty hard by something...a comment made by someone who has everything I want. She said she struggled with her self esteem. I was so surprised because she's cute and lovely and kind and has this really great, loving husband and this adorable chunk of a boy and she lives in New York, so that whole package is pretty darn great. How could she struggle, I wondered. I guess for anyone, no matter who you are, you want more. Or you know yourself so well, so much better than anyone else, so you know your weaknesses, and those things are so easy, far far too easy, to focus on.

I don't know her particular reasons for feeling that way, but I am certain, now, more certain that I have ever been, that gratitude for what I do have and an ability to focus on all that is right with my life instead of the other way around is the answer. There is always hope to change. I do not, I know this, want to die regretting that I wasn't happier.