Just a Little Sunshine

I have never loved January, and I think I never really knew it.

When I was probably thirteen or fourteen or something like that, my dad noticed that my mood was not so good. We had, at the time, a greenhouse of sorts, so the room was almost entirely glass. My dad hooked up the heater and set out a lounge chair, and then he took me inside, and I spread out on the chair. After an hour or so, I felt better. It turns out that all I needed was just a little sunshine.

The greenhouse is long gone. I sort of wish it was still here.

I've known for a long time that I suffered from seasonal affective disorder, but last year I was in Texas, and last year, for most of the year, I could spend time outside. And this year I'm in Utah, and so I cannot spend time outside as much since it is so cold, and we've had terrible inversion so there's been lots of smog in the valley and in general it just hasn't been so great to be outside. Well, last year, I didn't have such a hard time, and I am telling you I can tell the difference and it is big. It is HUGE!!!

Today I felt an unreasonable amount of hopelessness...almost like I want to crawl out of my skin if things don't change, and I really couldn't understand why. Maybe because I didn't have the winter blues last year, I forgot what it is like to get like this. Actually, I think I forget every year and then the blues come, and I wonder what is going on until I finally remember that oh...of course. It's January and it's the dead of winter and I need some sun.

The end.