The Gym Pick-Up

Whilst discussing why I am absolutely hating the idea of online dating...and there are good reasons that I'm not going to talk about here and I know lots of people who have met really nice guys...even men they have married...on line, so I don't think that there is anything wrong with it, it just hasn't worked out for me. And by the way, that last sentence is a fragment, not a run-on, but I'm not really in the mood to correct it.

So my dearest Jamie and I were discussing why online dating sucks for me, and then we started talking about creepy men who have attempted the gym pick-up and even some bad date anecdotes were shared. I was laughing pretty hard by the end of our discussion, which makes me happy to know that a bad/uncomfortable date or two can, one day, be pretty good fodder for a laugh fest.

And so of course that got me thinking about the time this guy gave me a fanny pack for my portable cd player. Yes, I said a fanny pack and cd player, both items that I'm quite certain are extinct.

Here it comes you guys - the creepy gym pick-up. So there I was on the elliptical machine at the Gold's Gym in Arlington. And my portable cd player was propped right up there on the console. Well, being as that those cd players are a little unwieldy and nothing like our very small and convenient ipods, it wasn't exactly "safe" sitting up there on its little perch. And so at one point during my workout, the thing slipped off the console and fell to the floor.

Whatever, no big deal. I just jumped down to grab it, and right as I did, a gentleman who had been lifting weights near by ran over to get it for me. I grabbed it before he could, hoping to deter him. He gave me a leer that he was attempting to pass off as a smile, and I uncomfortably gave him a half grin (you know the kind, no teeth, tiny lift of the corners of the mouth...a sneer, really), and then put my headphones back in, hit the play button and continued on with my workout.

But the gentleman wasn't deterred by this brush off, and I caught him staring at me for the next twenty minutes or so. Ugh and bother. And then he did something entirely hilarious and corny and creepy all at once. He started to do push-ups while doing a head stand. I stifled my laughter, and I continued to workout, trying to ignore him.

Aside #1 = Just so we are clear, men do not get women. I do not know upon what planet a guy showing off his physical acumen is at all exciting to the ladies. It is not, in case you were wondering. It's silly and creepy and just plain made me feel super duper uncomfortable.

But then I thought, whatever, when am I going to see this guy again. Oh but I was going to see him the next day and if only I had known, I would have gone to another gym closer to work so as to avoid him. Alas. But there I was the very next day once again working the elliptical machine, and he saunters up to me with a fanny pack for my cd player, and I was so shocked. I tried to decline, but I could also very clearly see that he was having none of that, so I tried, again, to give him that half smile/sneer and accepted the fanny pack.

Aside #2 = I never wore the thing. One, I am female and vain. Hello! Just one more way that this guy did not get women. Fanny packs = front butt. I'm not about to put something like that around my waist. Two, I didn't want to wear it and give him any sort of idea that I encouraged his advances. Because I tell you, I did not encourage his advances.

Really, I just wanted to do my workout and leave. I'm not a gym bunny. I go without makeup. I go with my hair pulled up in a messy, sloppy pony tail. I go wearing some unflattering clothes, even. Because I'm going to SWEAT(!!!) (Helloooo).

Aside #4 = And just so as we are clear about another thing, girls do not think of themselves as attractive and cute whilst in the middle of a good sweat. Nope, not in the least. I understand that some of the male sex may think otherwise, but the women I know do not feel pretty when their hair is soaked and greasy and stringy and they are red in the face and they have sweat dripping down their backs.

And that, my friends, is the entirely unwanted gym pick-up. I suppose there are peeps out there who go to the gym with different intentions than yours truly. Some people want to socialize and some people want to meet potential dates, I guess. I am not one of those people. And a pretty good sign of that? I put my head phones on, I watch t.v., and I generally ignore the other folks getting their sweat on.