Circle of Control

So years and years ago, I had borrowed a book from my boyfriend's mom. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And no, this isn't a book review. The other day, my dear bff Jamie reminded me of something that Seven Habits preaches. And it's a pretty true and correct thing to preach about if you ask me. Moreover, I des.per.ate.ly desperately needed the reminder.

So here it is: imagine two circles, a smaller circle contained in a larger circle. The inner circle contains the things you can control. The outer circle the things you cannot control. Cannot. Under any circumstances. Got it? So give that a think for a moment. Which circle do you imagine is bigger? If you imagined the outer circle, you would be correct. The world is just full, plain old full to the brim, of things that you and I cannot control at all.

And now I want you to think about the things you worry about. Here are the things that have occupied my worries for the past year:

1. No job.
2. No money.
3. No car.
4. No boyfriend.
5. Mounting debt.
6. No job.
7. Dating.
8. Mooching off of family members.
9. No job.
10. Writing
11. No job.
12. No job.
13. My weight.

You see, no job has occupied about fifty percent of my brain space for the past year. Dating, or the lack there of and subsequently the lack of a boyfriend, has probably taken up another twenty percent. And there you have it. But the point is, my worries are over things I cannot control.

No job. What can I control? I can apply for jobs and give out my resume to friends and others who are willing to take it. I have done both of those things. I control the search and application process. I can't make anyone hire me.

Dating. What can I control? I can do what I've done. I tried a dating website. I moved to Utah so that I could go to a ward with single LDS men around my age. Can I control if things work out or if I even get dates? No. I can't make a relationship appear just because I want it to. I can't make people ask me on dates.

My weight. What can I control? I can control the binge eating and the amount of sugar I take into my body. I can control the amount I choose to exercise. I can't control my thyroid and I can't control my genetic tendency to gain weight quickly or to lose it slowly. I can't make my body lose twenty pounds over night.

Writing. What can I control? I can control the amount of time I spend writing versus the amount of time I spend watching television or playing games or wasting my time in general surfing around on my computer. I can't control whether or not my book will get published or if I'll ever even get representation through an agent.

The debt...the car...the mooching. What can I control? Well, all these things are in the circle of no control. And no amount of boohooing about it will make the debt leave, give me the money to buy a car. And truth be told, I have an awesome family who would look out for me no matter what. If the situation were reversed? I know I would do the same. That is what you do when you love your family. My family...we have our troubles, but we love each other. We look out for each other. I can't control that the debt exists and that the joblessness I'm experiencing is preventing me from getting a car and a place of my own.

BUT, and this is the kicker, what am I worrying about? All the things that are in the outer circle. I fret and fuss over any job I apply to because I can't stop thinking about whether or not they will contact me. I fret and fuss that I don't have a boyfriend. I fret and fuss that I'll never get published.

I am afraid that many of those worries have wearied me to the point where I have felt broken and down and out. Unable to stand back up...get on my feet. The worrying has turned into paralysis of the worst, most destructive type.

Here is the good news. I can choose. I can always choose. So I can choose what I focus on. I can wake up and go running or do a boot camp workout. Or I can stay in bed and stew about my weight. I can think about how I will never get a job, or I can apply and apply and apply some more. I can think about how I will never be a published author, or I can write and write and write some more.

So that's the circle of control. It is small. It contains only a few things: my attitude, actions and reactions. It does not contain the attitude, actions and reactions of others. I'm just fine with that. In fact, I am more than fine with that. Because I can do a lot more with my own actions and my own attitude that I can with anyone else's. In fact, it's sort of a relief. I just go about my day doing the best I can. The rest has to take care of itself. And that is a burden lifted off of my shoulders.