And thinking. Another rough go of it saying good-bye to Josh, Carol and the kids. Two weekends of good-byes and I'm feeling done. I've just been reading reading reading...Dan Brown. The ultimate distraction, I guess. It isn't great writing but it's entertaining, at least. I'm two hours in to a five hour lay-over. It's a loooooooooooong wait!
Anyway, I keep thinking about the night before I left for law school. I was laying on my bed, and I was crying my eyes out. It was a frightful night. The weight of my decision sat down and took a little rest right on my chest, crushing my heart up inside until it felt hard to breathe. Isn't fear a strange thing like that? That an abstract emotion can feel like an actual weight upon you. And it was a mighty difficult night.
The next morning, I pretty much cried my eyes out. All the way to my layover in Dallas...probably. I think. Anyway, it wasn't until I got to Newark that I finally could gather my senses and stop thinking about how much it hurt. I remember that I had Eclipse on that trip. Another perfect distraction for what ailed me.
I guess I'm thinking of that now because the tears are drying up. And tomorrow I'll wake up in Utah. And I'll have work to do. A job to find. A car to buy. Apartment hunting. It will be like it was when I got to Newark. I had things that had to be done. Unpacking. Books to pick up. Classes to prepare for. And so life went on...and before I knew it, I wasn't even sad at all anymore. Just busy busy busy.
Oh TXas. How I love you! And how I will miss you. But we'll still be friends. I promise to come visit you as often as I can. But this is the right decision. This is the way it was always supposed to be. I can't let the sadness in my heart cloud what I know is the right thing for me now. So I bid you adieu...a fond farewell!
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