Fifteen Boxes

My life continues to get pared down. You see, today I sent fifteen boxes home. Which means a few things. One, I am really doing this. I am really going to Utah to live my life, and I feel like I'm Odysseus who has been off on adventures and seeing the wide world. But all the time I was supposed to come home. I was meant to come home.

I wonder if Odysseus felt a bitter sweet longing when he saw that his destiny was his home. I wonder if he thought about the wide world when he walked through the doors and saw Penelope, faithful, always faithful, while he was off wandering.

Because I feel a bitter sweet longing, oh yes, I do. It hurts in my heart parts. And I'm sort of worn out from all this coming and going and saying good-bye. I thought I'd already come home to stay when I came flying into TXas. I guess not.

But then there are those fifteen boxes. And what do you make of a life that is so pared down and bare? I'm only taking what I feel is necessary. Clothes, a few books, a few supplies. There is a little bit left here. But I'm leaving it because it is not anything I need right at the moment. I'll have to worry about getting it all later. Not now, though. Now all I need is going to be in those boxes, already on their way to Utah. And then whatever I carry with me to the airport.

My life should feel barren right now, or so I would suppose. But you know, shedding all these things that I have, leaving things behind that are not essential, well, it's sort of a beautiful thing. You see, I am learning something. I'm learning that life isn't about things. It isn't about the nicest clothes or the newest car. It isn't about accessories or nice furniture. It isn't even about a treadmill or boxes of books. It most especially isn't about money and having lots of it.

And that is why it is bitter sweet to say good-bye. I have had a wealth of joy living in my brother's house with his wife and children. I have had a wealth of joy making friends here in TXas. So I don't regret it. I don't regret not having a job for over a year. I don't regret what I've discovered...that you can get by on not very much. And you would be surprised, very very most pleasantly and happily surprised, by how your life can be cut down to fifteen boxes. But you still have a wealth of joy.