Feelings are tricky, aren't they? They are so sensitive, really, and it doesn't take much to hurt them. Or else, they change so quickly, without you expecting it at all. Or a new one comes along, and it is so foreign to you that you aren't quite sure what to make of it.
That's the way I've been feeling lately...which isn't a good way to describe feelings...with the use of the word feelings. Hmmmmm...how else to say this?
Not sure.
So.
I've been feeling these new feelings. And I am entirely unsure of what to make of any of them. I remember when I was quite young, maybe five or six or maybe eight. Who knows? I can still see myself walking around my grandparent's drive way, right near the top of the orchard in front of their house. I was about to cross the street to go into our back yard. My cousin, Jennifer (or J.J. as we called her then), and I were walking together. And I had a new feeling inside and I couldn't describe it, but it made me feel strange and uncertain. Like something was going to change. Like things would be different.
I don't really remember if anything was about to change or if anything did change. I just remember recognizing the feeling. And wondering what it meant.
Today I've been looking at jobs. I've even been looking at the schools in this area because I can't take another year without working. I do not have it in me. I have to find a job. And this feeling came over me. It was strange and new. Like something is going to change. Like things are going to be different.
It isn't a bad feeling. It isn't a scary feeling. But it is an uncomfortable feeling.
I'm not sure what it means, but I try to listen. Because I honestly think that feelings do mean something. Just what?
And by the by...does this just happen to me? Has this happened to you?
No comments:
Post a Comment