Contracts...A Finals Story

Oh law school, how you haunt me!

I can't get this memory out of my mind, and I keep feeling like I should blog about it...like maybe some big epiphany will come out at the end.

So first year, first semester I had contracts. It's your basic, fundamentals type of class. A lot of principles from contracts cross over to other courses. And many lawyers deal with contracts in their daily practice, at least if they are transactional attorneys.

Now let's just say a few things about Professor Denbeaux, my contracts professor and mentor in law school. He's a good man. No doubt about it. He's gruff and scary, too. At least at first. And then you find out that he really cares a great deal about many things, especially people...especially people who suffer unjustly. I have a great deal of admiration for him and for what he does.

But he's an old school law professor. What is that supposed to mean? Well, he teaches socratically. In other words, he answers questions with questions. And everything comes back to one thing. That there are no answers. Now I won't lie. That method is difficult. I remember once just begging him to give me a yes or no answer. Everyone in the room laughed. Denbeaux never gave yes or no answers. But I did learn a great deal from him. Mostly that the law, as in life, is full of ambiguities. Answers are never clear. And any situation can be looked at from any number of angles so that in the end, several conclusions can be made.

As interesting and fun as that class was for me, that style of teaching does not lend itself to taking a very difficult final.

So the day of the final arrived. I was nervous, but not too too nervous because we'd already had Civil Procedures and so,well, that was pretty stinking horrid, and I already knew what a final in law school was going to be like. I was prepared as I could be, nerves and all, to take another beating.

It was hard. The last essay consisted of seven to ten pages. On legal sized paper. Now that might not seem like a big deal, but a fact pattern that goes beyond five pages is extremely difficult to parse. I mean, that is a lot and I mean A LOT of issue spotting. About an hour into the test, my head starts hurting. Not because of the impossible multiple choice questions. Not because of the enormous and convoluted fact patterns. No, I was getting a migraine. I kid you not. And we had just over four hours to go.

I won't lie; I had a moment of panic. I'm not prone to migraines. I get them every once in a while. I've never had one during an exam. And it hurt. My focus was already waning, and I began having these thoughts. Thoughts like, "I can't do this." Or, "I'm going to have to turn in my exam early...what will that mean?" Or, the worst one of all, "I'm going to have to drop out of law school!" (Okay, so sometimes I can be a drama queen.)

And then I caught myself. I told myself, "No. I have to get through this." And then I became my own cheerleader. "You can do this," I said. "You are so smart," I said. "I'm so proud of you," I said. "You are doing awesome. You are so awesome!" You get the idea.

Now this is something that people may not tell you about intense finals. They may be four or five hours, but once you get started, it seems like the time goes so fast. I mean, you are into it, really into it. You are typing away madly for most of that time, and all you can do is think about trying to get everything out and into your essay. And so it was, even with a migraine headache, I coached myself through that exam. And it was over in no time at all.

That night I had to lie in the dark and basically pray for relief. But I had made it through the exam.

And I got an A on it.

So a few thoughts:

1. Life is full of ambiguities, and answers don't always come clearly or easily.

2. Sometimes I have to buck up and do it, even if a situation is hard and I think I cannot.

3. When I work hard, the difficult thing passes quickly...especially if I throw myself into solving the problem.

4. Sometimes I have to be my own cheerleader because no one is going to come along and rescue me.

5. I can do hard things!