so a little anecdote from my life...just because i feel like sharing. a few days ago i was doing some laundry and such. i was hanging things up to dry and had this awful thought. i'll spare you the details. let us just say it wasn't positive, and i shouldn't have been thinking it.
do you catch yourself thinking things you shouldn't? probably. most people do.
so there i was, having a not great thought, when i was hanging these items, and my hand slipped from the hanger, causing my elbow to crash against the shelf below. and oh how it hurt - one of those fast, sharp pains that shoot through your body. i groaned and moaned and tears started in my eyes. and then the pain subsided and i thought, "oh that's gonna leave a mark!" because all hail to chris farley and tommy boy.
and then it occurred to me that i wasn't thinking that bad thought anymore. and i didn't really want to. wouldn't it be crazy if every time we thought something bad, negative, wrong, etc., we had a pain shoot through our elbow or knee or whatever? we probably wouldn't think those things too often, is what. i know, i know. that isn't the way life works, and it would sort of defeat what i know to be life's purpose. i.e., we aren't pavlov's dogs. but strangely, i was grateful for that moment of pain. it snapped me back to reality...made me really think about what i was thinking about. and then it stopped me from thinking it. a little correction of sorts, if you will.
so then, maybe, sometimes, pain isn't such a bad thing after all.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
What I've Been Pondering...
Faith has been on my mind lately. A lot. I know I've blogged about it before. But this is what I have to say about it today. I don't think I give faith a full chance.
And what does that mean? Well, the thought came to me last week. My sister-in-law told me that she thought I should pray for the ability to take good care of my health, give up those things that aren't good for me, and to treat my body well. (I.e., give up sugar...in my case.) I was sort of complaining about my lack of desire to do this. Another friend said that she had tried the same thing, and that she was still struggling. I admit to having similar thoughts myself. Those sneaking thoughts, like..."Sure but I've asked for that help before" kind of thoughts.
It's probably true that the change I am seeking in so many different aspects of my life won't come over night and that an effort is required to break bad habits. But then what of faith? And what of the small steps that get us to the end goal? Those count for something. I know they do. For example, what about the day where I run eight miles and say no to any and all junk food? That counts for something. That day I was able to do it. That day I was able to really stick to my goals. Or what about going to San Antonio for two and a half weeks and taking my weights with me so that I could work out? And actually getting the workouts in. That counts for something. Those two weeks or so, I was able to do what I said I would do. And even for the past seven or eight weeks. I've been a machine...a machine I tell you. And yes, that DOES indeed count for something. It shouldn't be dismissed like it doesn't matter.
It isn't just about my eating habits or exercising. It is about the rest of life, too. It is about finding a job. It is about finding a boyfriend. It is about a future marriage and children and writing a book and being happy. It is about, as Elder Holland reminds us, "our land of milk and honey...our promised land." Faith means that God CAN and DOES get us to where we need to go.
I can honestly say two things. One: I've never faced a more challenging time in my entire life. Never. I've had depression. I've felt afraid. I've been jobless. And I've been pretty much boyfriendless for many, many years. But I've never wondered where I was going with my life until this past year. It has never ever been this scary. Two: I've never handled that fear so well. I've never faced it with this much faith. I've never known as I do now how much I can rely on God to get me through it. He has yet to fail me.
From the words of our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson:
"I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments."
And that is life...joyful...with promised blessings beyond measure. I have faith that all that I pass through now will be for my good. And I have faith that I will be blessed with just what I need. A job, a marriage, a family, and success as a writer. I'm going to start acknowledging those simple successes in life, those small moments of triumph. I will honor them with a grateful heart! Because...I have faith. I have faith. I have faith.
And what does that mean? Well, the thought came to me last week. My sister-in-law told me that she thought I should pray for the ability to take good care of my health, give up those things that aren't good for me, and to treat my body well. (I.e., give up sugar...in my case.) I was sort of complaining about my lack of desire to do this. Another friend said that she had tried the same thing, and that she was still struggling. I admit to having similar thoughts myself. Those sneaking thoughts, like..."Sure but I've asked for that help before" kind of thoughts.
It's probably true that the change I am seeking in so many different aspects of my life won't come over night and that an effort is required to break bad habits. But then what of faith? And what of the small steps that get us to the end goal? Those count for something. I know they do. For example, what about the day where I run eight miles and say no to any and all junk food? That counts for something. That day I was able to do it. That day I was able to really stick to my goals. Or what about going to San Antonio for two and a half weeks and taking my weights with me so that I could work out? And actually getting the workouts in. That counts for something. Those two weeks or so, I was able to do what I said I would do. And even for the past seven or eight weeks. I've been a machine...a machine I tell you. And yes, that DOES indeed count for something. It shouldn't be dismissed like it doesn't matter.
It isn't just about my eating habits or exercising. It is about the rest of life, too. It is about finding a job. It is about finding a boyfriend. It is about a future marriage and children and writing a book and being happy. It is about, as Elder Holland reminds us, "our land of milk and honey...our promised land." Faith means that God CAN and DOES get us to where we need to go.
I can honestly say two things. One: I've never faced a more challenging time in my entire life. Never. I've had depression. I've felt afraid. I've been jobless. And I've been pretty much boyfriendless for many, many years. But I've never wondered where I was going with my life until this past year. It has never ever been this scary. Two: I've never handled that fear so well. I've never faced it with this much faith. I've never known as I do now how much I can rely on God to get me through it. He has yet to fail me.
From the words of our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson:
"I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments."
And that is life...joyful...with promised blessings beyond measure. I have faith that all that I pass through now will be for my good. And I have faith that I will be blessed with just what I need. A job, a marriage, a family, and success as a writer. I'm going to start acknowledging those simple successes in life, those small moments of triumph. I will honor them with a grateful heart! Because...I have faith. I have faith. I have faith.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
to all the mom's out there
have you ever noticed how it's true that you can't really really plan your life? because things just sort of go down in ways you never expected?
like kids crying out of control because they are tired and worn out and tired some more. and they just need to sleep but sleep eludes them, and so they carry on with the tears. and so all your plans for a good night's rest, well they go out the window.
that is the life when you are a mom. i am not one of those. i want to be, some days. some days i do not. most days i don't really think about it. until i am in charge of a few of them. oh my g to the oodness. i've done some serious baby-sitting of late.
first week of june i took care of my four nieces, ranging from two to eight, for three and a half days. and then i took care of two toddlers, my niece and nephew, for two and a half days. i've taken kids swimming, to the library, shopping, to chick-fil-a (several times, mind you...the play place is a life saver!), sonic, wendy's, the movies, the splash park, the park, the gym...just thinking about it makes my head spin and fills me with exhaustion.
do you know what it means to take kids to the pool? to a movie? or lunch? you see, someone inevitably has a food allergy that must be planned for...only wendy's will do for chicken nuggets. but there is no play place at wendy's. drive-thru it is, and then it's off to chick-fil-a (which i admit i prefer...but). then lugging the kids in, picking out meals, eating meals...have you ever fed a two-year-old? two-year-olds have minds and ideas of their own. and then finally a few minutes of peace while they are off to play.
or the pool, for example, requires life jackets and towels and snacks and water and coatings of sun screen and then loading the car and unloading the car. and holding hands and changing into swim diapers. going to the pool is not so easy as one might expect with children in the mix. and once you are there, it isn't all about lounging. you have to sit and watch and even stay glued to the side of a reluctant two-year-old.
even a simple day at home isn't so simple. there are naps, snacks, cleaning, cooking, fits, bumps, bruises, fights, and then you start it all over again once the morning is over. i made waffles this morning. it took forty-five minutes to cook for six children! forty-five minutes for some waffles!!! and i didn't even eat one of the waffles. not even one! i thought twenty minutes, tops. oh was i mistaken...mistaken, indeed. and then we were off to the movie theater. so there i was, no shower, no make-up, (at least i didn't stay in my p.j.s), a little deodorant (good thing), and three kids in tow. and are they with me? did i lose one? does anyone need to go to the bathroom? do you need drinks? a booster seat? holy cow! it's just a movie.
so i guess what i am saying is that my hat goes off to all the mothers out there. i always knew it was a hard job. but i don't think i really gave it a lot of thought. and p. to the s. my mother is a saint. how she made it through life with seven kids i will never know. even one is...well...you get the idea!
like kids crying out of control because they are tired and worn out and tired some more. and they just need to sleep but sleep eludes them, and so they carry on with the tears. and so all your plans for a good night's rest, well they go out the window.
that is the life when you are a mom. i am not one of those. i want to be, some days. some days i do not. most days i don't really think about it. until i am in charge of a few of them. oh my g to the oodness. i've done some serious baby-sitting of late.
first week of june i took care of my four nieces, ranging from two to eight, for three and a half days. and then i took care of two toddlers, my niece and nephew, for two and a half days. i've taken kids swimming, to the library, shopping, to chick-fil-a (several times, mind you...the play place is a life saver!), sonic, wendy's, the movies, the splash park, the park, the gym...just thinking about it makes my head spin and fills me with exhaustion.
do you know what it means to take kids to the pool? to a movie? or lunch? you see, someone inevitably has a food allergy that must be planned for...only wendy's will do for chicken nuggets. but there is no play place at wendy's. drive-thru it is, and then it's off to chick-fil-a (which i admit i prefer...but). then lugging the kids in, picking out meals, eating meals...have you ever fed a two-year-old? two-year-olds have minds and ideas of their own. and then finally a few minutes of peace while they are off to play.
or the pool, for example, requires life jackets and towels and snacks and water and coatings of sun screen and then loading the car and unloading the car. and holding hands and changing into swim diapers. going to the pool is not so easy as one might expect with children in the mix. and once you are there, it isn't all about lounging. you have to sit and watch and even stay glued to the side of a reluctant two-year-old.
even a simple day at home isn't so simple. there are naps, snacks, cleaning, cooking, fits, bumps, bruises, fights, and then you start it all over again once the morning is over. i made waffles this morning. it took forty-five minutes to cook for six children! forty-five minutes for some waffles!!! and i didn't even eat one of the waffles. not even one! i thought twenty minutes, tops. oh was i mistaken...mistaken, indeed. and then we were off to the movie theater. so there i was, no shower, no make-up, (at least i didn't stay in my p.j.s), a little deodorant (good thing), and three kids in tow. and are they with me? did i lose one? does anyone need to go to the bathroom? do you need drinks? a booster seat? holy cow! it's just a movie.
so i guess what i am saying is that my hat goes off to all the mothers out there. i always knew it was a hard job. but i don't think i really gave it a lot of thought. and p. to the s. my mother is a saint. how she made it through life with seven kids i will never know. even one is...well...you get the idea!
Monday, June 27, 2011
things i miss
here is just a list of sorts. of things i am jonesing for, that is.
1. a good walk through the national gallery of art in d.c. oh there are days when just an hour or two of wandering around, of staring at some rembrandts, or of getting lost in the statuary, will do wonders for my soul.
2. nyc on a cool spring day.
3. a walk in seven hills with miss gibson. now that was seriously good for my soul.
4. duck beach with friends. staying up late and laughing. the beach and a boogie board. the sound of the ocean at night while you fall to sleep.
5. a good hike in the mountains.
6. sleeping out under a starry sky.
7. my youth. most people don't want to go back, and i can't say that i do myself. but sometimes, when i'm filled with worry and woe and despair, i think of my friends and our carefree days in the summer, when everything was in front of us. there is something so beautiful and happy and magical about all that.
8. an orioles game. camden yards and a hot dog. life doesn't get much better than a good baseball game, good company to enjoy it with, and a delish, over-priced hot dog :).
9. driving the gw parkway in the fall on the way to the temple. seriously, you have no idea. in fact, i miss, in general, all the trees on the east coast. oh who am i kidding? i miss the east coast.
10. wegmans with brie. i do miss our drives and the wandering through the grocery store...a really nice grocery store. oh and don't forget the pretzel rolls. those things are a delightful treat for the taste buds.
11. a good long run in the cool mountain air of utah. i'm actually really excited about going home and getting out for a long run. oh how i do miss home and all that is so familiar. isn't it so funny? i've lived away from home for many years now. and still it feels like the most familiar place on earth. even with all the changes in my home town. there is something so comforting about that. i can't wait to go.
those are just a few things. there are many more. but i'm tired, and i must get some sleep. good night, all!
1. a good walk through the national gallery of art in d.c. oh there are days when just an hour or two of wandering around, of staring at some rembrandts, or of getting lost in the statuary, will do wonders for my soul.
2. nyc on a cool spring day.
3. a walk in seven hills with miss gibson. now that was seriously good for my soul.
4. duck beach with friends. staying up late and laughing. the beach and a boogie board. the sound of the ocean at night while you fall to sleep.
5. a good hike in the mountains.
6. sleeping out under a starry sky.
7. my youth. most people don't want to go back, and i can't say that i do myself. but sometimes, when i'm filled with worry and woe and despair, i think of my friends and our carefree days in the summer, when everything was in front of us. there is something so beautiful and happy and magical about all that.
8. an orioles game. camden yards and a hot dog. life doesn't get much better than a good baseball game, good company to enjoy it with, and a delish, over-priced hot dog :).
9. driving the gw parkway in the fall on the way to the temple. seriously, you have no idea. in fact, i miss, in general, all the trees on the east coast. oh who am i kidding? i miss the east coast.
10. wegmans with brie. i do miss our drives and the wandering through the grocery store...a really nice grocery store. oh and don't forget the pretzel rolls. those things are a delightful treat for the taste buds.
11. a good long run in the cool mountain air of utah. i'm actually really excited about going home and getting out for a long run. oh how i do miss home and all that is so familiar. isn't it so funny? i've lived away from home for many years now. and still it feels like the most familiar place on earth. even with all the changes in my home town. there is something so comforting about that. i can't wait to go.
those are just a few things. there are many more. but i'm tired, and i must get some sleep. good night, all!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Well...
So I sort of cheated on my fast from internet games. Well, there is no sort of cheating. I did cheat. I did, I did. I've been playing Spider Solitaire!!! There, it is out. But that is all. Just that and nothing else. No crosswords or mah jong. No bubble breaker. No FB. Just Spider Solitaire. True confession is out there. I feel better.
And as long as we are confessing. I don't know that I miss all of it at all, even FB. I mean, I have moments where I think about checking it. But it's not that big a deal. Maybe I'll go two weeks. without the rest. But I'm not sure about Spider Solitaire. Not sure at all.
I'm also thinking about the next thing I'm going to give up because I like this whole I'm not missing it thing. Soda. That's it. But maybe not today.
And as long as we are confessing. I don't know that I miss all of it at all, even FB. I mean, I have moments where I think about checking it. But it's not that big a deal. Maybe I'll go two weeks. without the rest. But I'm not sure about Spider Solitaire. Not sure at all.
I'm also thinking about the next thing I'm going to give up because I like this whole I'm not missing it thing. Soda. That's it. But maybe not today.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Rolling on the River
Saturdays were made for lazy floats on big tubes in rivers that meander slowly, slowly on down. And that is what I did today. My three younger brothers now all live in TXas, y'all! Yay for Texas and for being close! So we all got together at the San Marcos River. Where people rent big tubs and head on down the river.
I admit that the river is a little skeevy. You know, slimy and such. And it's right next to a college...in a college town. Hmmm...so you can imagine that all sorts of shenanigans go down while you are there. Lots of people where their floating couches. Yes. Floating. Couch. If you can believe it. You can imagine this guy. Lots of facial hair. Lots of beverages of the beer variety. I mean, what does a floating couch and beer say to you?
One guy compared his "precious cargo" (i.e., the beer packed in a cooler on its own special raft next to him) with our precious cargo (i.e., the ten children floating down the river with us). Yes, quite classy. I think my brother just laughed and rolled his eyes.
There we were, all packed together, tied up with ropes and such. watching the kids get in the water, splash around, freak out about the slimy grass brushing up against toes and knees. I think it was more fun to watch them getting excited, jumping in the river, and falling out of tubes than anything else.
And floating was quiet and pleasant. We went down a few small water falls and had a little lunch and packed in it. I might not tube down the San Marcos again. But it was a good day.
I admit that the river is a little skeevy. You know, slimy and such. And it's right next to a college...in a college town. Hmmm...so you can imagine that all sorts of shenanigans go down while you are there. Lots of people where their floating couches. Yes. Floating. Couch. If you can believe it. You can imagine this guy. Lots of facial hair. Lots of beverages of the beer variety. I mean, what does a floating couch and beer say to you?
One guy compared his "precious cargo" (i.e., the beer packed in a cooler on its own special raft next to him) with our precious cargo (i.e., the ten children floating down the river with us). Yes, quite classy. I think my brother just laughed and rolled his eyes.
There we were, all packed together, tied up with ropes and such. watching the kids get in the water, splash around, freak out about the slimy grass brushing up against toes and knees. I think it was more fun to watch them getting excited, jumping in the river, and falling out of tubes than anything else.
And floating was quiet and pleasant. We went down a few small water falls and had a little lunch and packed in it. I might not tube down the San Marcos again. But it was a good day.
Friday, June 24, 2011
in general
well, i have no ideas to write about...none. so here was my day, in general.
went with my sister-in-law to pick stuff out for her house. love picking things out/decorating in general. it's just fun to put things together, you know?
went to chick-fil-a. i've been eating there a bit too much, you know? that and i need to kick this soda habit. i mean, it's diet soda almost all of the time, but today i let myself have the real kind...dr. pepper with sugar! that isn't a good sign, when i let myself slip back into that habit. not a good sign at all.
and speaking of decorating, i've been thinking about career/life choices. here are things that i wish some days that i had gone to school for...instead of being a lawyer...SIGH!
1. interior decorator. today i was looking at a lowe's catalog. all about ideas for the home. they have some pretty fun ideas, and i wondered what it might be like to work for a company that allowed me to come up with design ideas. that would be stupendous.
2. hair dresser. i'm not kidding, either. it's social. it's creative. it's fun to see people's hair change. i love a make-over. and frankly, who doesn't feel good after getting a good cut/color? it makes you feel new.
3. writer...duh! this should be number one and on most days it is. and i can still be a writer, of course. but some days i wish i would have had the guts to pursue a masters degree in creative writing. i shied away because, well, you know. it isn't so practical and all. still, sometimes you gotta live the dream.
4. teacher. um, did i say that out loud? i did. i'm pretty sure i miss it a lot. A LOT! and here is why. it's a gift for me. i'm good at it. i don't know if i would be a good interior designer or a fabulous hair dresser. but i know i was good at teaching. and i miss the students and the daily interaction. so yes, some days i wish i was a teacher again.
5. singer. now really, i have zero desire to be famous or anything like that. i just love to sing.
6. photographer. creative outlet...i love photography and i look at my friends blogs and thing about how beautiful their pictures are wonder why i didn't do that.
7. journalist. i love to write. and i love politics. so it would be fun to write about politics :)...obviously!
do you notice that lawyer is not on this list? do you? i do. it's hard to come to this conclusion, but i don't want to practice law, and i'm not completely certain i ever will. i think accepting that is probably one of the hardest things i'm going to have to do. because it means coming up with a new plan.
but here is the beautiful thing. a few weeks ago my friend michelle said to me that the great thing about my life is that anything was open to me now. anything. i can do anything. isn't that a beautiful thought? and so i get to plan and come up with my new life. that is exciting. that is good. and i am grateful. i can be anything.
went with my sister-in-law to pick stuff out for her house. love picking things out/decorating in general. it's just fun to put things together, you know?
went to chick-fil-a. i've been eating there a bit too much, you know? that and i need to kick this soda habit. i mean, it's diet soda almost all of the time, but today i let myself have the real kind...dr. pepper with sugar! that isn't a good sign, when i let myself slip back into that habit. not a good sign at all.
and speaking of decorating, i've been thinking about career/life choices. here are things that i wish some days that i had gone to school for...instead of being a lawyer...SIGH!
1. interior decorator. today i was looking at a lowe's catalog. all about ideas for the home. they have some pretty fun ideas, and i wondered what it might be like to work for a company that allowed me to come up with design ideas. that would be stupendous.
2. hair dresser. i'm not kidding, either. it's social. it's creative. it's fun to see people's hair change. i love a make-over. and frankly, who doesn't feel good after getting a good cut/color? it makes you feel new.
3. writer...duh! this should be number one and on most days it is. and i can still be a writer, of course. but some days i wish i would have had the guts to pursue a masters degree in creative writing. i shied away because, well, you know. it isn't so practical and all. still, sometimes you gotta live the dream.
4. teacher. um, did i say that out loud? i did. i'm pretty sure i miss it a lot. A LOT! and here is why. it's a gift for me. i'm good at it. i don't know if i would be a good interior designer or a fabulous hair dresser. but i know i was good at teaching. and i miss the students and the daily interaction. so yes, some days i wish i was a teacher again.
5. singer. now really, i have zero desire to be famous or anything like that. i just love to sing.
6. photographer. creative outlet...i love photography and i look at my friends blogs and thing about how beautiful their pictures are wonder why i didn't do that.
7. journalist. i love to write. and i love politics. so it would be fun to write about politics :)...obviously!
do you notice that lawyer is not on this list? do you? i do. it's hard to come to this conclusion, but i don't want to practice law, and i'm not completely certain i ever will. i think accepting that is probably one of the hardest things i'm going to have to do. because it means coming up with a new plan.
but here is the beautiful thing. a few weeks ago my friend michelle said to me that the great thing about my life is that anything was open to me now. anything. i can do anything. isn't that a beautiful thought? and so i get to plan and come up with my new life. that is exciting. that is good. and i am grateful. i can be anything.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Uh Oh
So day two of no FB and no games.
I think I might have been right. Because I was much more productive today. Hmmm...Uh oh! Things are going to be a changing around here. I might have to turn this computer lock down into a habit.
It's a bit strange to get online and to think, hmmm....I'm done checking my email. I know, I'll go to...no I won't. But then maybe just a little...actually, can't go to that site either. And next thing I know, I'm doing something good with my time. Like writing a sample first chapter for my book.
I'm not complaining. It's probably the wisest choice I've made in a long time.
And as for that other thing, the prayer/scriptures first thing in the morning? It makes a difference, too. My thoughts are much better today than they were two days ago. And even yesterday.
I guess I know what all this means. When you are told certain behaviors are a benefit and certain behaviors are a detriment by people in the know? Well, you best listen. I'm not out of the woods yet, I know. But today was better, and so that gives me hope for more better days ahead.
I think I might have been right. Because I was much more productive today. Hmmm...Uh oh! Things are going to be a changing around here. I might have to turn this computer lock down into a habit.
It's a bit strange to get online and to think, hmmm....I'm done checking my email. I know, I'll go to...no I won't. But then maybe just a little...actually, can't go to that site either. And next thing I know, I'm doing something good with my time. Like writing a sample first chapter for my book.
I'm not complaining. It's probably the wisest choice I've made in a long time.
And as for that other thing, the prayer/scriptures first thing in the morning? It makes a difference, too. My thoughts are much better today than they were two days ago. And even yesterday.
I guess I know what all this means. When you are told certain behaviors are a benefit and certain behaviors are a detriment by people in the know? Well, you best listen. I'm not out of the woods yet, I know. But today was better, and so that gives me hope for more better days ahead.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A Fast of Sorts
This is long and personal. Just saying...
So us Mormons, we fast quite a bit. I remember as a child that it was the bane of my existence. Which is to say that once a month, when the first Sunday rolled around, I would have to go without breakfast and perhaps lunch (all depending on when church started). My parents were pretty strict about it, so I would hope to make it to the kitchen before anyone caught me, pour a bowl of cereal and start shoveling it down my throat. If and when a parent or tattling sibling would catch me, I would have "forgotten" it was fast Sunday. And whoops...it was too late to turn back now! I was eating breakfast.
My parents didn't push it past church. Once we got home, whether at noon or at five, we could eat. I guess that was a battle that they chose not to engage in, even though the fast was supposed to be for two meals and twenty-four hours. And who can blame them with seven hungry kids claiming starvation!
I've since learned to fast and to do it without complaining. In fact, I do it at least two or three times a month, for one reason or other. And I actually skip two meals and try my darndest to stop eating for a full twenty-four hours. The fact is, I find it comforting. It's something I know that I can do when I am looking for answers to all of life's many many mysteries. If I fast, I can find peace and rest.
I need that peace now. But I think that means that I have to have another kind of fast.
Do you ever noticed how hard it is to be honest with yourself? I have. And in order to face it, to be honest, I am having a fast of sorts. I'm fasting from a few things.
So full confession. I spend a lot, I mean an embarrassing amount, of time on the internet doing absolutely nothing. NOOOOOOOOOO thing, I tell you!!!! It's an awful habit, and I do mean awful. I sort of feel like this alcoholic...only it's the internet. And I find myself mindlessly surfing through crap. Or playing games. And I'm being dead serious when I say this. I am allowing it to steal my life from me. I feel like some days I am not even living. I'm just existing. I know why I do it. I do it because then I don't have to think about reality. I'm quite certain that it is much like alcohol or a drug. It numbs my mind and distracts me from my problems. And anyone who thinks I'm being dramatic...well, I don't think so. I'm becoming something I do not want to be.
One time, I watched Hoarders. And I hated it. I mean really really hated it. I was so completely saddened by how these people couldn't see that garbage had collected in their lives to the point where that garbage would swallow them entirely whole and complete. And that is no exaggeration. I was shocked by the denials made. One lady kept talking about how as long as the yogurt hadn't exploded it was still safe to eat. Even though it was months...like eight months...old. And then she would go out and buy more. I couldn't watch it ever again because I just felt so sad that someone could allow her life to slip so far past the point where she could even see or believe that the hoarding was a problem.
And oh I look at my life and wonder what I've done to let myself slip this far. I've denied things before...like when I was teaching. I would put things off until there was this pile of grading and such. And I'd be grading for an entire weekend straight - for about seventy hours. Just paper after paper after paper. I was in denial about my weight, too. I just denied the fact that things weren't fitting. I denied the fact that I could see the weight gain in my stomach or my thighs...or even in my face.
Anyway, so back to this internet deal. Elder Bednar wrote a really great talk about letting media become an addiction. And when I read it about a year or so ago, I admit that I saw myself in that behavior, but I thought, oh it isn't a big problem. And oh, it's not such a big deal. Well, even if it was not a problem then, it is now. I literally spend hours on the internet every day. I do one of a few things. I play games. A lot of games. I've downloaded a few onto my phone, even. Like Bubble Breaker...and Mah Jong...and Solitaire...and Spider Solitaire. (Hey, as long as this is a full confessional, I might as well just get it all out there. No more denial.) And I have found myself wasting two to three hours (oh my, that is sad and embarrassing) on one game. Or I find quiz/puzzle sites. I love crossword games or word games. Or I surf around on Facebook. Oh FB how I both love and loathe you!!!
It's a problem. There are things I could do. Better things. Productive things. Helpful things. Uplifting things. I am missing the good I could do by wasting my time. The good I could do not just for me but for those around me. And it has to stop.
So for a week I am fasting from all games - and that means all games on my phone and on the computer. It includes puzzle/quiz sites. It includes, gulp, Facebook. All three things are on a lock out. I can't continue to be in denial. At some point in time, today, I have to decide what changes and what controls my life. It isn't games or Facebook. It has to be me.
I've already explained once my love for a few t.v. shows (Glee...The Bachelor/ette). I gave them up thinking how much I would miss them. And the funny thing is that I don't. Not even a little at all. I admit that I probably won't give up crosswords forever. Or Facebook. Or maybe even Sporcle. Not permanently, anyway. But I might have to say no to all other types of games. My hope ultimately being that I won't miss it at all. That I'll be able to give up this easily. And most especially, I hope that in the end, I'll see all the good I can do. And that will be incentive enough to make permanent changes.
So us Mormons, we fast quite a bit. I remember as a child that it was the bane of my existence. Which is to say that once a month, when the first Sunday rolled around, I would have to go without breakfast and perhaps lunch (all depending on when church started). My parents were pretty strict about it, so I would hope to make it to the kitchen before anyone caught me, pour a bowl of cereal and start shoveling it down my throat. If and when a parent or tattling sibling would catch me, I would have "forgotten" it was fast Sunday. And whoops...it was too late to turn back now! I was eating breakfast.
My parents didn't push it past church. Once we got home, whether at noon or at five, we could eat. I guess that was a battle that they chose not to engage in, even though the fast was supposed to be for two meals and twenty-four hours. And who can blame them with seven hungry kids claiming starvation!
I've since learned to fast and to do it without complaining. In fact, I do it at least two or three times a month, for one reason or other. And I actually skip two meals and try my darndest to stop eating for a full twenty-four hours. The fact is, I find it comforting. It's something I know that I can do when I am looking for answers to all of life's many many mysteries. If I fast, I can find peace and rest.
I need that peace now. But I think that means that I have to have another kind of fast.
Do you ever noticed how hard it is to be honest with yourself? I have. And in order to face it, to be honest, I am having a fast of sorts. I'm fasting from a few things.
So full confession. I spend a lot, I mean an embarrassing amount, of time on the internet doing absolutely nothing. NOOOOOOOOOO thing, I tell you!!!! It's an awful habit, and I do mean awful. I sort of feel like this alcoholic...only it's the internet. And I find myself mindlessly surfing through crap. Or playing games. And I'm being dead serious when I say this. I am allowing it to steal my life from me. I feel like some days I am not even living. I'm just existing. I know why I do it. I do it because then I don't have to think about reality. I'm quite certain that it is much like alcohol or a drug. It numbs my mind and distracts me from my problems. And anyone who thinks I'm being dramatic...well, I don't think so. I'm becoming something I do not want to be.
One time, I watched Hoarders. And I hated it. I mean really really hated it. I was so completely saddened by how these people couldn't see that garbage had collected in their lives to the point where that garbage would swallow them entirely whole and complete. And that is no exaggeration. I was shocked by the denials made. One lady kept talking about how as long as the yogurt hadn't exploded it was still safe to eat. Even though it was months...like eight months...old. And then she would go out and buy more. I couldn't watch it ever again because I just felt so sad that someone could allow her life to slip so far past the point where she could even see or believe that the hoarding was a problem.
And oh I look at my life and wonder what I've done to let myself slip this far. I've denied things before...like when I was teaching. I would put things off until there was this pile of grading and such. And I'd be grading for an entire weekend straight - for about seventy hours. Just paper after paper after paper. I was in denial about my weight, too. I just denied the fact that things weren't fitting. I denied the fact that I could see the weight gain in my stomach or my thighs...or even in my face.
Anyway, so back to this internet deal. Elder Bednar wrote a really great talk about letting media become an addiction. And when I read it about a year or so ago, I admit that I saw myself in that behavior, but I thought, oh it isn't a big problem. And oh, it's not such a big deal. Well, even if it was not a problem then, it is now. I literally spend hours on the internet every day. I do one of a few things. I play games. A lot of games. I've downloaded a few onto my phone, even. Like Bubble Breaker...and Mah Jong...and Solitaire...and Spider Solitaire. (Hey, as long as this is a full confessional, I might as well just get it all out there. No more denial.) And I have found myself wasting two to three hours (oh my, that is sad and embarrassing) on one game. Or I find quiz/puzzle sites. I love crossword games or word games. Or I surf around on Facebook. Oh FB how I both love and loathe you!!!
It's a problem. There are things I could do. Better things. Productive things. Helpful things. Uplifting things. I am missing the good I could do by wasting my time. The good I could do not just for me but for those around me. And it has to stop.
So for a week I am fasting from all games - and that means all games on my phone and on the computer. It includes puzzle/quiz sites. It includes, gulp, Facebook. All three things are on a lock out. I can't continue to be in denial. At some point in time, today, I have to decide what changes and what controls my life. It isn't games or Facebook. It has to be me.
I've already explained once my love for a few t.v. shows (Glee...The Bachelor/ette). I gave them up thinking how much I would miss them. And the funny thing is that I don't. Not even a little at all. I admit that I probably won't give up crosswords forever. Or Facebook. Or maybe even Sporcle. Not permanently, anyway. But I might have to say no to all other types of games. My hope ultimately being that I won't miss it at all. That I'll be able to give up this easily. And most especially, I hope that in the end, I'll see all the good I can do. And that will be incentive enough to make permanent changes.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
So You Had a Bad Day
Today was blech and blah, and I truly hate days like that. Your mood is just well, it's in the toilet and your thoughts, well, they are just sad and dreary and all about how the world is just evil and full of tragic woe.
And this is what I'm thinking right now.
1. I didn't get enough sleep last night, and that is affecting the way I feel about the day, my life, etc.
2. I didn't start the day with prayer or scripture study or anything. And I keep getting this impression that says to me, "See, when you don't invite the Spirit in first, well, your troubled thoughts and bad mood are a result."
3. I need to be wiser wiser wiser with my time. I waste too much. And by wasting it, I only feel worse about myself. Productivity brings joy.
4. Thank heavens that tomorrow, after all, is another day! I need a fresh start.
5. I'm going to start my day off right. By getting enough sleep and by praying and studying scriptures. And then we'll just see how tomorrow goes, and we'll just see if it's a better day.
And this is what I'm thinking right now.
1. I didn't get enough sleep last night, and that is affecting the way I feel about the day, my life, etc.
2. I didn't start the day with prayer or scripture study or anything. And I keep getting this impression that says to me, "See, when you don't invite the Spirit in first, well, your troubled thoughts and bad mood are a result."
3. I need to be wiser wiser wiser with my time. I waste too much. And by wasting it, I only feel worse about myself. Productivity brings joy.
4. Thank heavens that tomorrow, after all, is another day! I need a fresh start.
5. I'm going to start my day off right. By getting enough sleep and by praying and studying scriptures. And then we'll just see how tomorrow goes, and we'll just see if it's a better day.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Seeing Stars
"I confess I do not know why, but looking at the stars always makes me dream." - Vincent Van Gogh
A favorite thought from a much loved artist...probably because it's true, at least for me it is. I love a night sky full of stars. I think it's probably one of the greatest beauties God has to offer. And it is evidence of His boundless nature, His ability to give and give and give. When I look up and see stars, I always think of what is possible. I always feel hopeful. I always feel a sense of gratitude. Isn't nature just wonderful and perfect that way? The way it helps you to feel renewal? It brings Kant and the "sublime" experience to mind. Sublime is a perfect way to describe the way star gazing makes me feel.
But there is something else about seeing stars. It always makes me feel so small and reminds me that my life is insignificant. Because it is. It's a speck, a mere tiny little blip, on the map of the entire universe and it's vastness. And that is comforting. You might ask why being insignificant should be a comfort. It is because it puts my problems in perspective. They don't seem so big, so looming, so impossible when I see them for what they are. If my entire life is but a tiny little blip on that map of the huge, wide, vastness that is the universe, then what are my problems? What is a year of uncertainty? Even what is ten years of loneliness? Those things become nothing...mean nothing. They are so small as to be incalculable.
That is a beautiful thought.
A favorite thought from a much loved artist...probably because it's true, at least for me it is. I love a night sky full of stars. I think it's probably one of the greatest beauties God has to offer. And it is evidence of His boundless nature, His ability to give and give and give. When I look up and see stars, I always think of what is possible. I always feel hopeful. I always feel a sense of gratitude. Isn't nature just wonderful and perfect that way? The way it helps you to feel renewal? It brings Kant and the "sublime" experience to mind. Sublime is a perfect way to describe the way star gazing makes me feel.
But there is something else about seeing stars. It always makes me feel so small and reminds me that my life is insignificant. Because it is. It's a speck, a mere tiny little blip, on the map of the entire universe and it's vastness. And that is comforting. You might ask why being insignificant should be a comfort. It is because it puts my problems in perspective. They don't seem so big, so looming, so impossible when I see them for what they are. If my entire life is but a tiny little blip on that map of the huge, wide, vastness that is the universe, then what are my problems? What is a year of uncertainty? Even what is ten years of loneliness? Those things become nothing...mean nothing. They are so small as to be incalculable.
That is a beautiful thought.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Gratitude, Talents, Obedience
Today was a good day. As has the past week been. My best friend Dawn and I have been doing this gratitude thing. We send each other a list of five things that we are grateful for at the end of each day. I was noticing that our weekly phone conversations were turning into some pretty downer times. I mean, it is good to have a friend that you can trust entirely and that you can vent to about anything and everything.
However both of us are going through some rough times, and so our conversations reflected that. And I knew it needed to stop. We both know we are having a hard time. We both know very personally what the other is suffering. But we do both have many things to be grateful for. The list has given me a chance each day to reflect on what I am grateful for, and sharing that list only helps me recognize that I do feel happy about my life. I find myself looking for things to be grateful for throughout my day. The world looks a lot different when you are consciously choosing to see all that is beautiful and right with it.
Today I felt really grateful for my testimony. I feel really really grateful for church. I love going. It's been a long time since I've said that. But I have noticed this past year how uplifting it is. And today the lessons really hit home.
First: talents. When the Savior told the parable of the talents, he explained that each person was given talents according to their own capacity. Isn't that interesting? He gives us talents according to what He knows we can do. For example, He gave my friend Susan this running talent, and she has multiplied it. She runs marathons on a regular basis, thinks nothing of a seventeen mile "jog" in the morning, and she's fast...especially compared to this slowpoke. Susan could have been different, though. What if she had decided not to develop that talent? What if she had buried it instead? It isn't just that she can run. It's the way it has impacted her life and the lives of others. She's really healthy, for example. And she has found ways to help others be healthy. She shares her menus and ideas with friend and family. She's taken one good thing and multiplied it.
When I look at my life, I know I've been given talents, too. And I've multiplied them. But lately I sort of feel like I'm the one burying my talent because I, like the man in the parable, am afraid. But again, the Lord gives us according to our capacity. So whatever talents and skills He has bestowed upon me, they are the talents and gifts that will help me to prosper and grow most because I was given according to my personal ability to develop them. And to think that those talents can not be just one thing but that they can spill over and become many things! Well that is just a beautiful blessing.
Second: obedience. Two stories from the scriptures. First, the stripling warriors keep coming to mind. They obeyed with exactness every command. And they were spared. Sometimes I think I ignore little things. Maybe I'm not careful about what I choose to watch on t.v., or I think it isn't a big deal to gossip. But after hearing that lesson and discussing it last night with Dawn, I realized something. My obedience matters in my life. It matters because it determines the capacity to which I feel the Spirit. It determines the amount of promptings I get from the Holy Ghost. It matters because it helps me draw closer to God or pushes me further away from Him. And obeying Him because I love Him is even more important.
Sometimes I feel like I'm that child who won't listen to his or her parents, even though the parents are trying to look out for the child's best interests. And if only I would listen and obey, the answers and understanding will come.
The second story is of Christ's temptation after fasting for forty days. What strikes me as significant is that the temptation didn't come when He was beginning the fast or even somewhere in the middle. It came at the end. It came when He was at his most vulnerable. And yet He was able to obey. That would have been really hard. We often think of Christ's atonement in the Garden of Gethsemane when we think of His suffering. Or His suffering on the cross or His road to Golgotha. And rightly so. But we forget that He lived as we live. And He suffered the same temptations we do. They, too, came for Him at His weakest moments. That is why He knows what it is like to be tempted as we are. And it inspires me to want to do better, to be more obedient. Because if Christ could be that obedient to God in His weakest of moments, so can I. I can because He strengthens me.
I've read that scripture over and over..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." But I've never given thought as to why. And that is why. I can do it because He set the example, and His example lifts me. I am grateful to Him for all He does in my life. I can be obedient. I can overcome a difficult time. I can live a happy, good life.
So that was my Sunday...how was yours?
However both of us are going through some rough times, and so our conversations reflected that. And I knew it needed to stop. We both know we are having a hard time. We both know very personally what the other is suffering. But we do both have many things to be grateful for. The list has given me a chance each day to reflect on what I am grateful for, and sharing that list only helps me recognize that I do feel happy about my life. I find myself looking for things to be grateful for throughout my day. The world looks a lot different when you are consciously choosing to see all that is beautiful and right with it.
Today I felt really grateful for my testimony. I feel really really grateful for church. I love going. It's been a long time since I've said that. But I have noticed this past year how uplifting it is. And today the lessons really hit home.
First: talents. When the Savior told the parable of the talents, he explained that each person was given talents according to their own capacity. Isn't that interesting? He gives us talents according to what He knows we can do. For example, He gave my friend Susan this running talent, and she has multiplied it. She runs marathons on a regular basis, thinks nothing of a seventeen mile "jog" in the morning, and she's fast...especially compared to this slowpoke. Susan could have been different, though. What if she had decided not to develop that talent? What if she had buried it instead? It isn't just that she can run. It's the way it has impacted her life and the lives of others. She's really healthy, for example. And she has found ways to help others be healthy. She shares her menus and ideas with friend and family. She's taken one good thing and multiplied it.
When I look at my life, I know I've been given talents, too. And I've multiplied them. But lately I sort of feel like I'm the one burying my talent because I, like the man in the parable, am afraid. But again, the Lord gives us according to our capacity. So whatever talents and skills He has bestowed upon me, they are the talents and gifts that will help me to prosper and grow most because I was given according to my personal ability to develop them. And to think that those talents can not be just one thing but that they can spill over and become many things! Well that is just a beautiful blessing.
Second: obedience. Two stories from the scriptures. First, the stripling warriors keep coming to mind. They obeyed with exactness every command. And they were spared. Sometimes I think I ignore little things. Maybe I'm not careful about what I choose to watch on t.v., or I think it isn't a big deal to gossip. But after hearing that lesson and discussing it last night with Dawn, I realized something. My obedience matters in my life. It matters because it determines the capacity to which I feel the Spirit. It determines the amount of promptings I get from the Holy Ghost. It matters because it helps me draw closer to God or pushes me further away from Him. And obeying Him because I love Him is even more important.
Sometimes I feel like I'm that child who won't listen to his or her parents, even though the parents are trying to look out for the child's best interests. And if only I would listen and obey, the answers and understanding will come.
The second story is of Christ's temptation after fasting for forty days. What strikes me as significant is that the temptation didn't come when He was beginning the fast or even somewhere in the middle. It came at the end. It came when He was at his most vulnerable. And yet He was able to obey. That would have been really hard. We often think of Christ's atonement in the Garden of Gethsemane when we think of His suffering. Or His suffering on the cross or His road to Golgotha. And rightly so. But we forget that He lived as we live. And He suffered the same temptations we do. They, too, came for Him at His weakest moments. That is why He knows what it is like to be tempted as we are. And it inspires me to want to do better, to be more obedient. Because if Christ could be that obedient to God in His weakest of moments, so can I. I can because He strengthens me.
I've read that scripture over and over..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." But I've never given thought as to why. And that is why. I can do it because He set the example, and His example lifts me. I am grateful to Him for all He does in my life. I can be obedient. I can overcome a difficult time. I can live a happy, good life.
So that was my Sunday...how was yours?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Clockwork Angel...Where's the Action???
So just finished yet another YA supernatural/fantasy novel. I keep going back. Sort of the way I keep going back to the mystery/thriller genre. Hopeful, eternally hopeful that one day, I'll find another Angels and Demons or Harry Potter. Because I do enjoy it when I discover such gems. This one was decent. Not my favorite by a long shot, but I think I will give the second in the series a go.
Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
I've been thinking a lot about young adult fiction. I am a fan of the genre in general, and even of the fantasy YA fiction that is so popular of late. However, recently I find the fantasy stories fall short of great and are just good or okay or even mediocre.
My conclusion as to why? They are rushed. I think that there is a big push to get them out on shelves. Put a hot young man on the cover (shirtless, if need be) or a beautiful young woman, darken up the background and find something symbolic to make it look mysterious, use the appropriate font and sell those bad boys based on the cover alone. Because the covers are edgy and attractive. The problem being? The story and characters suffer as a result when more effort is put into the marketing of the book than the development of the plot... or even the editing.
And it has me asking myself why? The stories are decent. They have potential to be more than decent. But what makes them fall short? Why do they feel rushed instead of planned out? It goes back to that old adage that we all learned in second grade. SHOW... don't tell. Much of Clockwork Angel falls short for me because it tells a story with out showing it, at least in the beginning.
Imagine for me if you will that you are watching a movie. What if a narrator popped her head into the film at random places and said "Pause the movie for a moment. I'm going to give you a little background so that you can understand our story."? Or, worse, "Pause the movie. This will go much faster if I just tell you what happens."? It wouldn't serve the plot development or the characters and would mostly just annoy the audience. You wold probably wonder why the director or writer didn't chose to act out the scene, so you could see it happen.
Of course, novels aren't movies and sometimes it's best just to expedite the plot and move on with the story. I feel, however, that too many young adult novelists rely on narrating details of the story that would be better explicated in an actual scene with action.
And that is the case with Clockwork Angel. An example (or two...or three): the author tells the story of Tessa's parents' deaths through another character who knew them before they died. Why not use a prologue based on the events surrounding their deaths? It would start the mystery in the past - where the mystery actually begins, at least for the main character. Then Tessa's brother Nate comes to London and goes to work for a nefarious and devising man. Again, his story is told to Tessa and others by a few different character in the story instead of being played out through scenes with action and dialogue. That would have made a for a good first chapter. And then there is the issue of the mechanical humans. A scene in some dark, cavernous basement where dark creatures are working to create these monsters would have been far far better than just saying, "Oh, this Magister guy wants to create them and this is what he seems to be doing."
I think the story itself loses it's mystery when a character just blurts out that this is what happened first... then next... then later.
Such a devise has it's place. A quick conversation can fill in the gaps left in the actual action that might have taken place earlier on, and I'm not opposed to that. And there are some scenes that may have to be told rather than showed to the reader. But doing it over and over makes the story feel rushed and even lazy, as if the author didn't want to take the time to flesh out the scene.
And then of course, that leads to the inevitable problem of plot and character development. When someone tells me how a character acts rather than shows me, I usually think, "So what?" Seeing what the character does and watching the character develop because of the action makes for a more complex person in the end. It makes for a better story. More importantly, your readers feel invested because they see what the character does, what the character says, how the character handles his or her life.
Now Clockwork Angel has some great action scenes, don't get me wrong. The ending did help make up for what I found lacking in the beginning, and even into the middle of the story. But the book is 470-ish pages long. And I can count the number of really intense action scenes on one hand. It's a little confusing and strange since this is a book about characters fighting demons, warlocks, vampires and werewolves from the underworld.
So now I have to make a choice. I gave it three stars because I thought the ending was so much better than when the story started out. My hope is that perhaps the second book will continue to be paced as quickly as the last half of the first.
Oh, and P to the S... Can we pretty pretty pretty please LOSE the love triangle gimmick? I'm so over it!
View all my reviews
Clockwork Angel by Cassandra ClareMy rating: 3 of 5 stars
I've been thinking a lot about young adult fiction. I am a fan of the genre in general, and even of the fantasy YA fiction that is so popular of late. However, recently I find the fantasy stories fall short of great and are just good or okay or even mediocre.
My conclusion as to why? They are rushed. I think that there is a big push to get them out on shelves. Put a hot young man on the cover (shirtless, if need be) or a beautiful young woman, darken up the background and find something symbolic to make it look mysterious, use the appropriate font and sell those bad boys based on the cover alone. Because the covers are edgy and attractive. The problem being? The story and characters suffer as a result when more effort is put into the marketing of the book than the development of the plot... or even the editing.
And it has me asking myself why? The stories are decent. They have potential to be more than decent. But what makes them fall short? Why do they feel rushed instead of planned out? It goes back to that old adage that we all learned in second grade. SHOW... don't tell. Much of Clockwork Angel falls short for me because it tells a story with out showing it, at least in the beginning.
Imagine for me if you will that you are watching a movie. What if a narrator popped her head into the film at random places and said "Pause the movie for a moment. I'm going to give you a little background so that you can understand our story."? Or, worse, "Pause the movie. This will go much faster if I just tell you what happens."? It wouldn't serve the plot development or the characters and would mostly just annoy the audience. You wold probably wonder why the director or writer didn't chose to act out the scene, so you could see it happen.
Of course, novels aren't movies and sometimes it's best just to expedite the plot and move on with the story. I feel, however, that too many young adult novelists rely on narrating details of the story that would be better explicated in an actual scene with action.
And that is the case with Clockwork Angel. An example (or two...or three): the author tells the story of Tessa's parents' deaths through another character who knew them before they died. Why not use a prologue based on the events surrounding their deaths? It would start the mystery in the past - where the mystery actually begins, at least for the main character. Then Tessa's brother Nate comes to London and goes to work for a nefarious and devising man. Again, his story is told to Tessa and others by a few different character in the story instead of being played out through scenes with action and dialogue. That would have made a for a good first chapter. And then there is the issue of the mechanical humans. A scene in some dark, cavernous basement where dark creatures are working to create these monsters would have been far far better than just saying, "Oh, this Magister guy wants to create them and this is what he seems to be doing."
I think the story itself loses it's mystery when a character just blurts out that this is what happened first... then next... then later.
Such a devise has it's place. A quick conversation can fill in the gaps left in the actual action that might have taken place earlier on, and I'm not opposed to that. And there are some scenes that may have to be told rather than showed to the reader. But doing it over and over makes the story feel rushed and even lazy, as if the author didn't want to take the time to flesh out the scene.
And then of course, that leads to the inevitable problem of plot and character development. When someone tells me how a character acts rather than shows me, I usually think, "So what?" Seeing what the character does and watching the character develop because of the action makes for a more complex person in the end. It makes for a better story. More importantly, your readers feel invested because they see what the character does, what the character says, how the character handles his or her life.
Now Clockwork Angel has some great action scenes, don't get me wrong. The ending did help make up for what I found lacking in the beginning, and even into the middle of the story. But the book is 470-ish pages long. And I can count the number of really intense action scenes on one hand. It's a little confusing and strange since this is a book about characters fighting demons, warlocks, vampires and werewolves from the underworld.
So now I have to make a choice. I gave it three stars because I thought the ending was so much better than when the story started out. My hope is that perhaps the second book will continue to be paced as quickly as the last half of the first.
Oh, and P to the S... Can we pretty pretty pretty please LOSE the love triangle gimmick? I'm so over it!
View all my reviews
Friday, June 17, 2011
Contracts...A Finals Story
Oh law school, how you haunt me!
I can't get this memory out of my mind, and I keep feeling like I should blog about it...like maybe some big epiphany will come out at the end.
So first year, first semester I had contracts. It's your basic, fundamentals type of class. A lot of principles from contracts cross over to other courses. And many lawyers deal with contracts in their daily practice, at least if they are transactional attorneys.
Now let's just say a few things about Professor Denbeaux, my contracts professor and mentor in law school. He's a good man. No doubt about it. He's gruff and scary, too. At least at first. And then you find out that he really cares a great deal about many things, especially people...especially people who suffer unjustly. I have a great deal of admiration for him and for what he does.
But he's an old school law professor. What is that supposed to mean? Well, he teaches socratically. In other words, he answers questions with questions. And everything comes back to one thing. That there are no answers. Now I won't lie. That method is difficult. I remember once just begging him to give me a yes or no answer. Everyone in the room laughed. Denbeaux never gave yes or no answers. But I did learn a great deal from him. Mostly that the law, as in life, is full of ambiguities. Answers are never clear. And any situation can be looked at from any number of angles so that in the end, several conclusions can be made.
As interesting and fun as that class was for me, that style of teaching does not lend itself to taking a very difficult final.
So the day of the final arrived. I was nervous, but not too too nervous because we'd already had Civil Procedures and so,well, that was pretty stinking horrid, and I already knew what a final in law school was going to be like. I was prepared as I could be, nerves and all, to take another beating.
It was hard. The last essay consisted of seven to ten pages. On legal sized paper. Now that might not seem like a big deal, but a fact pattern that goes beyond five pages is extremely difficult to parse. I mean, that is a lot and I mean A LOT of issue spotting. About an hour into the test, my head starts hurting. Not because of the impossible multiple choice questions. Not because of the enormous and convoluted fact patterns. No, I was getting a migraine. I kid you not. And we had just over four hours to go.
I won't lie; I had a moment of panic. I'm not prone to migraines. I get them every once in a while. I've never had one during an exam. And it hurt. My focus was already waning, and I began having these thoughts. Thoughts like, "I can't do this." Or, "I'm going to have to turn in my exam early...what will that mean?" Or, the worst one of all, "I'm going to have to drop out of law school!" (Okay, so sometimes I can be a drama queen.)
And then I caught myself. I told myself, "No. I have to get through this." And then I became my own cheerleader. "You can do this," I said. "You are so smart," I said. "I'm so proud of you," I said. "You are doing awesome. You are so awesome!" You get the idea.
Now this is something that people may not tell you about intense finals. They may be four or five hours, but once you get started, it seems like the time goes so fast. I mean, you are into it, really into it. You are typing away madly for most of that time, and all you can do is think about trying to get everything out and into your essay. And so it was, even with a migraine headache, I coached myself through that exam. And it was over in no time at all.
That night I had to lie in the dark and basically pray for relief. But I had made it through the exam.
And I got an A on it.
So a few thoughts:
1. Life is full of ambiguities, and answers don't always come clearly or easily.
2. Sometimes I have to buck up and do it, even if a situation is hard and I think I cannot.
3. When I work hard, the difficult thing passes quickly...especially if I throw myself into solving the problem.
4. Sometimes I have to be my own cheerleader because no one is going to come along and rescue me.
5. I can do hard things!
I can't get this memory out of my mind, and I keep feeling like I should blog about it...like maybe some big epiphany will come out at the end.
So first year, first semester I had contracts. It's your basic, fundamentals type of class. A lot of principles from contracts cross over to other courses. And many lawyers deal with contracts in their daily practice, at least if they are transactional attorneys.
Now let's just say a few things about Professor Denbeaux, my contracts professor and mentor in law school. He's a good man. No doubt about it. He's gruff and scary, too. At least at first. And then you find out that he really cares a great deal about many things, especially people...especially people who suffer unjustly. I have a great deal of admiration for him and for what he does.
But he's an old school law professor. What is that supposed to mean? Well, he teaches socratically. In other words, he answers questions with questions. And everything comes back to one thing. That there are no answers. Now I won't lie. That method is difficult. I remember once just begging him to give me a yes or no answer. Everyone in the room laughed. Denbeaux never gave yes or no answers. But I did learn a great deal from him. Mostly that the law, as in life, is full of ambiguities. Answers are never clear. And any situation can be looked at from any number of angles so that in the end, several conclusions can be made.
As interesting and fun as that class was for me, that style of teaching does not lend itself to taking a very difficult final.
So the day of the final arrived. I was nervous, but not too too nervous because we'd already had Civil Procedures and so,well, that was pretty stinking horrid, and I already knew what a final in law school was going to be like. I was prepared as I could be, nerves and all, to take another beating.
It was hard. The last essay consisted of seven to ten pages. On legal sized paper. Now that might not seem like a big deal, but a fact pattern that goes beyond five pages is extremely difficult to parse. I mean, that is a lot and I mean A LOT of issue spotting. About an hour into the test, my head starts hurting. Not because of the impossible multiple choice questions. Not because of the enormous and convoluted fact patterns. No, I was getting a migraine. I kid you not. And we had just over four hours to go.
I won't lie; I had a moment of panic. I'm not prone to migraines. I get them every once in a while. I've never had one during an exam. And it hurt. My focus was already waning, and I began having these thoughts. Thoughts like, "I can't do this." Or, "I'm going to have to turn in my exam early...what will that mean?" Or, the worst one of all, "I'm going to have to drop out of law school!" (Okay, so sometimes I can be a drama queen.)
And then I caught myself. I told myself, "No. I have to get through this." And then I became my own cheerleader. "You can do this," I said. "You are so smart," I said. "I'm so proud of you," I said. "You are doing awesome. You are so awesome!" You get the idea.
Now this is something that people may not tell you about intense finals. They may be four or five hours, but once you get started, it seems like the time goes so fast. I mean, you are into it, really into it. You are typing away madly for most of that time, and all you can do is think about trying to get everything out and into your essay. And so it was, even with a migraine headache, I coached myself through that exam. And it was over in no time at all.
That night I had to lie in the dark and basically pray for relief. But I had made it through the exam.
And I got an A on it.
So a few thoughts:
1. Life is full of ambiguities, and answers don't always come clearly or easily.
2. Sometimes I have to buck up and do it, even if a situation is hard and I think I cannot.
3. When I work hard, the difficult thing passes quickly...especially if I throw myself into solving the problem.
4. Sometimes I have to be my own cheerleader because no one is going to come along and rescue me.
5. I can do hard things!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Zumba
So have you done this? This Zumba thing? It's pretty stinking fantastic and really humiliating, all at the same time.
My sister-in-law joined the YMCA here in the San Antonio...so we went to Zumba today. Really, have you tried it? The instructor stands in front of the room and starts flailing herself about, but this flailing about looks super good when she does it. I mean, she's sort of a rock star the way she can gyrate around. The music is loud and bumping, and she's not really calling out any of the moves. So you better watch, right? Because she is not going to slow down, that's for sure.
It was fantastic because it was such a fun work-out, and I came out sweating. I really love it when an instructor gets you working hard. And when it's fun, well, the time just flies by. You know you are working really hard when towards the end, you can't even try to do the steps correctly and the goal is to just keep moving. That is what happened. I was just trying to keep moving...and not really worrying whether or not I was doing the steps right.
It was humiliating because well, I didn't look anything like that instructor. Not a thing at all. She looked graceful and coordinated and pretty much awesome. And I looked pretty oafish. I guess, though, that most people in the room were like me - just trying to keep up. I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention to anything but the instructor and trying to get the moves down. I'm pretty sure most people were doing the same thing. Anyway...in spite of the humiliation that was my moves, I think I might want to do it again!
My sister-in-law joined the YMCA here in the San Antonio...so we went to Zumba today. Really, have you tried it? The instructor stands in front of the room and starts flailing herself about, but this flailing about looks super good when she does it. I mean, she's sort of a rock star the way she can gyrate around. The music is loud and bumping, and she's not really calling out any of the moves. So you better watch, right? Because she is not going to slow down, that's for sure.
It was fantastic because it was such a fun work-out, and I came out sweating. I really love it when an instructor gets you working hard. And when it's fun, well, the time just flies by. You know you are working really hard when towards the end, you can't even try to do the steps correctly and the goal is to just keep moving. That is what happened. I was just trying to keep moving...and not really worrying whether or not I was doing the steps right.
It was humiliating because well, I didn't look anything like that instructor. Not a thing at all. She looked graceful and coordinated and pretty much awesome. And I looked pretty oafish. I guess, though, that most people in the room were like me - just trying to keep up. I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention to anything but the instructor and trying to get the moves down. I'm pretty sure most people were doing the same thing. Anyway...in spite of the humiliation that was my moves, I think I might want to do it again!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Fatigue
Remember how I said I love a good road trip. I lied! Hahaha!
Well, I guess I don't love a road trip when it involves sitting in traffic for almost forty-five minutes when you are less than twenty miles from the promised land...home that is! And traffic is at a standstill. And you've already been all the way to Houston and back in one day.
Isn't it funny how sitting in a car waiting can cause you extreme fatigue? I'm feeling rather sleepy right now. All from sitting and waiting and waiting and maybe driving for hours. It makes for a long day.
But it probably wasn't such a bad day compared to the guy driving the semi that caught on fire, the cause of shutting down the interstate and rerouting traffic onto the frontage road. Not sure how, but we saw a bunch of Whataburger boxes being loaded off the bed of the trailer. And about fifty yards of charred shoulder where the truck had stopped. Hopefully no one was hurt, but that can't be a good day for a person driving a tractor-trailer. I wonder if he'll quit his job...
Oh but we got to pick up my niece and nephew, and they are pretty stinking cute. Most of the time they were even pretty good in the car. Very little drama. And I got some hugs and kisses, too. Which isn't so bad, when you think about it. Not so bad at all.
Well, I guess I don't love a road trip when it involves sitting in traffic for almost forty-five minutes when you are less than twenty miles from the promised land...home that is! And traffic is at a standstill. And you've already been all the way to Houston and back in one day.
Isn't it funny how sitting in a car waiting can cause you extreme fatigue? I'm feeling rather sleepy right now. All from sitting and waiting and waiting and maybe driving for hours. It makes for a long day.
But it probably wasn't such a bad day compared to the guy driving the semi that caught on fire, the cause of shutting down the interstate and rerouting traffic onto the frontage road. Not sure how, but we saw a bunch of Whataburger boxes being loaded off the bed of the trailer. And about fifty yards of charred shoulder where the truck had stopped. Hopefully no one was hurt, but that can't be a good day for a person driving a tractor-trailer. I wonder if he'll quit his job...
Oh but we got to pick up my niece and nephew, and they are pretty stinking cute. Most of the time they were even pretty good in the car. Very little drama. And I got some hugs and kisses, too. Which isn't so bad, when you think about it. Not so bad at all.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
My Dad
So Father's Day is almost upon us. And of course, I've been thinking about my dad. And what a wonderful father he is.
Last night we were on the phone. I know he's having a hard time right now. He's working too much, and it's not what his first choice would be. He does heavy manual labor and works long hours. He's very very tired, I'm sure. But he still takes the time to listen. And so when I expressed some concerns over not having a job and such and why my bff has to have such a hard life and all that, he said, "Well, you haven't had the easiest row to hoe yourself."
And isn't it just nice when someone sees that? I mean, I don't want pity from others. Just maybe some understanding. I think that sometimes people look down on me or judge me. Maybe that's true and maybe that is not true. But knowing that the people who matter most in life can see that you have some hard crosses to bear, well, it is just nice. It made me feel like I wasn't so all alone in this great big world. It makes it easier to cope. And of course, he then offered advice and encouragement. Words of faith and hope.
It was especially nice coming from my dad.
He's a great man for many reasons. But there is one that sticks out most to me. His integrity. He knows what is right and does it. I've always admired that about him...that I could trust that he would be honest. That he would give an honest days work and then some. I just know that he'll pull through because he does that. He always has. I'm very grateful that he is my dad.
One day I'll grow old and he'll be gone. That will be a sad day. Because I love him, I do.
And thank heavens for eternal families...that I am a part of one...that my dad believes in them. Oh, I am blessed!
Last night we were on the phone. I know he's having a hard time right now. He's working too much, and it's not what his first choice would be. He does heavy manual labor and works long hours. He's very very tired, I'm sure. But he still takes the time to listen. And so when I expressed some concerns over not having a job and such and why my bff has to have such a hard life and all that, he said, "Well, you haven't had the easiest row to hoe yourself."
And isn't it just nice when someone sees that? I mean, I don't want pity from others. Just maybe some understanding. I think that sometimes people look down on me or judge me. Maybe that's true and maybe that is not true. But knowing that the people who matter most in life can see that you have some hard crosses to bear, well, it is just nice. It made me feel like I wasn't so all alone in this great big world. It makes it easier to cope. And of course, he then offered advice and encouragement. Words of faith and hope.
It was especially nice coming from my dad.
He's a great man for many reasons. But there is one that sticks out most to me. His integrity. He knows what is right and does it. I've always admired that about him...that I could trust that he would be honest. That he would give an honest days work and then some. I just know that he'll pull through because he does that. He always has. I'm very grateful that he is my dad.
One day I'll grow old and he'll be gone. That will be a sad day. Because I love him, I do.
And thank heavens for eternal families...that I am a part of one...that my dad believes in them. Oh, I am blessed!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Gratitude
Life can't always be rough, you know?
I was thinking this today after talking to my kindred spirit/bff. I mean, she and I have had some hard stuff to deal with. Sometimes I look around at the lives of other people and feel shafted. It's hard not to, even if I know we shouldn't compare. And maybe other people look at our lives and think how they were shafted. It really isn't a healthy thing, that comparing and envying of others thing.
But really, I mean this with all my heart. It can't always be sad and hard. Not that I haven't had happiness in my life. Not that I haven't been blessed. Not that I haven't been really, really blessed. And so I think that has to be the focus for now, until things do get easier. Like what I am grateful for and all of that. And while I hope for better things to come.
So what am I grateful for? Well, just about all the lovely people who've come into my life. I mean, there are too many to name, but I've never been without amazing friends. I'm really blessed that way. And there are lots of beautiful things I've seen. I mean, I nearly cried when I first saw the Louvre and realized that I got to go inside and have a look-see at all that culture. Wow! And I can still remember looking out over the Forest of Dean and thinking to myself that that was perfection. A cool breeze blowing over a valley of rivers and trees and hills. Sometimes you look out over the vast world, and you feel like you are seeing the hand of God, right there in front of you. It takes your breath away. I've seen so very many places like that. I'm super glad that I've been able to go to school so much, even if it was hard and I'm unsure of my next step. I'm grateful that I'll always have a family that loves me and cares for me. Always. Like when my brother buys me delish Thai food and has it waiting for me and his wife after a long day on the road. Or when my sweet little nieces give me hugs and kisses and make me laugh and laugh.
That is just a little taste of why I am so lucky. I'm so so lucky. And life can't always be like this. It won't always be like this. It won't...It won't!
I was thinking this today after talking to my kindred spirit/bff. I mean, she and I have had some hard stuff to deal with. Sometimes I look around at the lives of other people and feel shafted. It's hard not to, even if I know we shouldn't compare. And maybe other people look at our lives and think how they were shafted. It really isn't a healthy thing, that comparing and envying of others thing.
But really, I mean this with all my heart. It can't always be sad and hard. Not that I haven't had happiness in my life. Not that I haven't been blessed. Not that I haven't been really, really blessed. And so I think that has to be the focus for now, until things do get easier. Like what I am grateful for and all of that. And while I hope for better things to come.
So what am I grateful for? Well, just about all the lovely people who've come into my life. I mean, there are too many to name, but I've never been without amazing friends. I'm really blessed that way. And there are lots of beautiful things I've seen. I mean, I nearly cried when I first saw the Louvre and realized that I got to go inside and have a look-see at all that culture. Wow! And I can still remember looking out over the Forest of Dean and thinking to myself that that was perfection. A cool breeze blowing over a valley of rivers and trees and hills. Sometimes you look out over the vast world, and you feel like you are seeing the hand of God, right there in front of you. It takes your breath away. I've seen so very many places like that. I'm super glad that I've been able to go to school so much, even if it was hard and I'm unsure of my next step. I'm grateful that I'll always have a family that loves me and cares for me. Always. Like when my brother buys me delish Thai food and has it waiting for me and his wife after a long day on the road. Or when my sweet little nieces give me hugs and kisses and make me laugh and laugh.
That is just a little taste of why I am so lucky. I'm so so lucky. And life can't always be like this. It won't always be like this. It won't...It won't!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Designing
So, well, my brother and his wife picked up some furniture and paint and other such decorative items today. Boy did it make me envious. I mean, I really want a house of my own. And some new furniture.
So then when we were checking out paint and such, well, I started picking up all the little paint pamphlets. You know the ones. With pretty pictures of perfectly decorated rooms. Oh, how my heart began to yearn and long and such. I want my own house!
I can see the library. One wall of books, straight books lined up on my cherry wood shelves, all the way up the vaulted ceiling. And there is even a little ladder. You know the kind. The ones that go up the bookshelves so that you can reach up for your pretty books that go all the way up to the tippy top of the wall. And there is this beautiful couch I love from Restoration Hardware. It's off-white and velvety and has lovely soft blue throw pillows and blankets in shades of tan and brown. Oh, and the walls are brick...exposed brick painted a deep brown. Oh they are pretty walls with pretty pictures of photographs taken by Kevin Miller...of old dilapidated buildings and such. And there is some funky lighting...like the chandeliers in IKEA.
And there is my office. It's all white except for the dark hardwood floors. And there is lots and lots of natural light streaming in all around because of the windows...lots of them. And the walls are covered by more photos - large photos of the desert - again by Kevin Miller. And I'm sitting there at my white desk in my white chair and I'm typing away, working on my latest manuscript for a book. It's so soothing in my white room.
Then when I go to bed, I lay down in my pretty black four poster bed. With it's white and royal blue bedspread - maybe with a toile pattern or leaves or something. And my little yellow chaise lounge sits in a corner, a royal blue throw tossed over it casually. And there are pictures of Paris and London and Rome on the walls...all in black and white. My shelves hold sparkly knick-knacks and signs that say "Keep Calm and Carry One" and books.
Can't you just see it? Oh, I can, I can. And I want it so so so much!
So then when we were checking out paint and such, well, I started picking up all the little paint pamphlets. You know the ones. With pretty pictures of perfectly decorated rooms. Oh, how my heart began to yearn and long and such. I want my own house!
I can see the library. One wall of books, straight books lined up on my cherry wood shelves, all the way up the vaulted ceiling. And there is even a little ladder. You know the kind. The ones that go up the bookshelves so that you can reach up for your pretty books that go all the way up to the tippy top of the wall. And there is this beautiful couch I love from Restoration Hardware. It's off-white and velvety and has lovely soft blue throw pillows and blankets in shades of tan and brown. Oh, and the walls are brick...exposed brick painted a deep brown. Oh they are pretty walls with pretty pictures of photographs taken by Kevin Miller...of old dilapidated buildings and such. And there is some funky lighting...like the chandeliers in IKEA.
And there is my office. It's all white except for the dark hardwood floors. And there is lots and lots of natural light streaming in all around because of the windows...lots of them. And the walls are covered by more photos - large photos of the desert - again by Kevin Miller. And I'm sitting there at my white desk in my white chair and I'm typing away, working on my latest manuscript for a book. It's so soothing in my white room.
Then when I go to bed, I lay down in my pretty black four poster bed. With it's white and royal blue bedspread - maybe with a toile pattern or leaves or something. And my little yellow chaise lounge sits in a corner, a royal blue throw tossed over it casually. And there are pictures of Paris and London and Rome on the walls...all in black and white. My shelves hold sparkly knick-knacks and signs that say "Keep Calm and Carry One" and books.
Can't you just see it? Oh, I can, I can. And I want it so so so much!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Car Rides
People dread long car rides. And understandably so. I mean, I have driven cross country twice. And I know it can be a long, long ride. Nine hours in the car can make you bonkers.
But I like long-ish car rides...alone. Not that company can't be good. Company can be good. And I don't mind that. Oh, but a roadtrip all by your lonesome self is delightful. And I should know. I've driven long miles all alone many a time. From Alexandria to Fayettville, North Carolina or Richmond, Virginia or even Philadelphia. From Vegas to Spanish Fork, Utah.
Why? Why should being cramped up in a car for hours all by yourself be enjoyable?
1. You can listen to whatever music you want and sing along like you are a rock star.
2. You can listen to a song over and over and no one can get bored with it.
3. You can listen to a good book and really get into it.
4. You can call a friend and chat for a really long time.
5. You can be all alone with your thoughts. And you can think and think and think without interruption.
6. You can see a lot of sites.
7. You can play the alphabet game over and over, and you always come out the winner!
8. You can eat whatever you like. (Well, perhaps you should not...but I don't know what it is about me and the car...but I eat a lot of junk!)
9. I don't know what it is about the open road but I love it.
10. There's just something about a long stretch of nothing...no cities or towns but just hills or trees or mountains. I like that feeling of isolation.
Yes, a good road trip all alone in the car is not a bad thing at all. I'm driving down to San Antonio with my sister-in-law today. I'm actually pretty happy about it, even if it is not all by my lonesome. I'm excited to be on the road. Moving. Going. Somewhere. Anywhere.
But I like long-ish car rides...alone. Not that company can't be good. Company can be good. And I don't mind that. Oh, but a roadtrip all by your lonesome self is delightful. And I should know. I've driven long miles all alone many a time. From Alexandria to Fayettville, North Carolina or Richmond, Virginia or even Philadelphia. From Vegas to Spanish Fork, Utah.
Why? Why should being cramped up in a car for hours all by yourself be enjoyable?
1. You can listen to whatever music you want and sing along like you are a rock star.
2. You can listen to a song over and over and no one can get bored with it.
3. You can listen to a good book and really get into it.
4. You can call a friend and chat for a really long time.
5. You can be all alone with your thoughts. And you can think and think and think without interruption.
6. You can see a lot of sites.
7. You can play the alphabet game over and over, and you always come out the winner!
8. You can eat whatever you like. (Well, perhaps you should not...but I don't know what it is about me and the car...but I eat a lot of junk!)
9. I don't know what it is about the open road but I love it.
10. There's just something about a long stretch of nothing...no cities or towns but just hills or trees or mountains. I like that feeling of isolation.
Yes, a good road trip all alone in the car is not a bad thing at all. I'm driving down to San Antonio with my sister-in-law today. I'm actually pretty happy about it, even if it is not all by my lonesome. I'm excited to be on the road. Moving. Going. Somewhere. Anywhere.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
What I Wish I Had Known
You know what I wish I had known?
1. That you don't and won't always have everything figured out, even when you are thirty-something. I once heard Oprah say that your twenties were for figuring things out. I respectfully disagree, Miss Winfrey. I had some things figured out then. And now I'm thirty-five and figuring it out all over again. So nope, don't think you magically reach an age and suddenly "get it" because you don't. Life is full of figuring things out.
2. That it is okay if your life isn't like you thought it would be.
3. That you can't let other people and their expectations dictate how your life will be. You have to decide for yourself.
4. That you should spend time with your friends, even when you feel like vegging out in front of your t.v. on a Friday night with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. And if you choose movie/pig-out fest, choose to do it with company!
5. That the people in your life are everything. That's what you'll remember when you look back - the people you knew.
6. That saying yes is better than saying no. Say yes as much as you can...as often as you can.
7. That first impressions are deceiving. You never know who is going to be your bff - so give people a chance. People surprise you.
8. That fear gets you nowhere fast. Don't be afraid to try.
9. That it is easy to blame other people. It's much harder to take personal responsibility for why your life is how it is. But it's much more productive in the end to be responsible for you.
10. That there is very little in life you can control. So just go with it because things do have a way of working out in the end.
11. That there is never too much kindness in the world. Never.
12. That you can't ever love enough. And that is why people are everything. All the rest is just details.
1. That you don't and won't always have everything figured out, even when you are thirty-something. I once heard Oprah say that your twenties were for figuring things out. I respectfully disagree, Miss Winfrey. I had some things figured out then. And now I'm thirty-five and figuring it out all over again. So nope, don't think you magically reach an age and suddenly "get it" because you don't. Life is full of figuring things out.
2. That it is okay if your life isn't like you thought it would be.
3. That you can't let other people and their expectations dictate how your life will be. You have to decide for yourself.
4. That you should spend time with your friends, even when you feel like vegging out in front of your t.v. on a Friday night with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. And if you choose movie/pig-out fest, choose to do it with company!
5. That the people in your life are everything. That's what you'll remember when you look back - the people you knew.
6. That saying yes is better than saying no. Say yes as much as you can...as often as you can.
7. That first impressions are deceiving. You never know who is going to be your bff - so give people a chance. People surprise you.
8. That fear gets you nowhere fast. Don't be afraid to try.
9. That it is easy to blame other people. It's much harder to take personal responsibility for why your life is how it is. But it's much more productive in the end to be responsible for you.
10. That there is very little in life you can control. So just go with it because things do have a way of working out in the end.
11. That there is never too much kindness in the world. Never.
12. That you can't ever love enough. And that is why people are everything. All the rest is just details.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Do We Hide
So I tried Match. You know, the website. Because I was tired of not dating, and I'd heard some good success stories. And I thought, if nothing else, I might go out once in a while and feel like a normal human being because I was on a date.
It wasn't for me. I gave it a good shot, but it just wasn't.
But it has me wondering. Do we hide behind our technology? I mean, we've all heard the crazy stories about people who live through their avatars. So they set up these lives online and then they get married...virtually...to someone else's avatar. And they buy homes, and clothes, and food. And in my mind, I think it's just crazy that you'd ignore your real life for a make believe life on a computer screen.
But that is the extreme, right?
This is what I noticed about online dating. People hide behind the technology. You can email or IM someone for a while. And that is easy enough. Nothing really personal about it, you know? Just words on a screen. Then comes the exchange of phone numbers. One might think that this would lead a person to make a phone call. But what it usually leads to is texting. More of the impersonal. More of just the words on the screen. Back and forth. No way to read emotion, really. Besides silly emoticons or whatever you want to call them.
You would expect that a grown man could pick up a phone and make a call. And I'm fine with the emails and the texting and the IMing. It's a find place to start. However, I am not an avatar and I don't want a pretend relationship. I want face to face contact. I want to hear a human voice ask me out on a date.
But it's not just in online dating. No one wants to call anyone anymore. It's too much of a hassle. It's so much simpler to write a message and click send and wait for someone else to reply. Don't get me wrong. I do it, too. But really, I mean really...what are we hiding from each other for? And will we all end up hermits, holed up in our homes and hiding from others? I sure hope not. I just wish people could be more responsive. More in touch. More willing to reach out.
It wasn't for me. I gave it a good shot, but it just wasn't.
But it has me wondering. Do we hide behind our technology? I mean, we've all heard the crazy stories about people who live through their avatars. So they set up these lives online and then they get married...virtually...to someone else's avatar. And they buy homes, and clothes, and food. And in my mind, I think it's just crazy that you'd ignore your real life for a make believe life on a computer screen.
But that is the extreme, right?
This is what I noticed about online dating. People hide behind the technology. You can email or IM someone for a while. And that is easy enough. Nothing really personal about it, you know? Just words on a screen. Then comes the exchange of phone numbers. One might think that this would lead a person to make a phone call. But what it usually leads to is texting. More of the impersonal. More of just the words on the screen. Back and forth. No way to read emotion, really. Besides silly emoticons or whatever you want to call them.
You would expect that a grown man could pick up a phone and make a call. And I'm fine with the emails and the texting and the IMing. It's a find place to start. However, I am not an avatar and I don't want a pretend relationship. I want face to face contact. I want to hear a human voice ask me out on a date.
But it's not just in online dating. No one wants to call anyone anymore. It's too much of a hassle. It's so much simpler to write a message and click send and wait for someone else to reply. Don't get me wrong. I do it, too. But really, I mean really...what are we hiding from each other for? And will we all end up hermits, holed up in our homes and hiding from others? I sure hope not. I just wish people could be more responsive. More in touch. More willing to reach out.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Unexpected
So today I was helping my niece make a birthday card for her friend...that we will call Joe, just to protect the innocent (and because she is four). She was going to his birthday party. So she's making Joe's card, and she tells me that she wants it to say love and not just from. I oblige her, but my curiosity is peaked.
Then she is drawing pictures on the front of the card. And she wants me to draw a heart. Again, I oblige her, but I'm growing more curious.
You see, this Joe character, well, he's not the sweet little boy type so much as he is just plain all boy. You know? He doesn't mean to harm anyone. He's nice enough and all that. But he's an active boy, and he likes to rough house. And he's been known to sort of terrorize the girls. And so I'm wondering what is going through her head because I've heard her run screaming from him. I've heard her cry to her mommy about how Joe is being mean or rough housing or whatever.
Then she drops the bomb. She tells me she wants it to say "I love you." !!! WHAT? You're four. So I ask her, "Do you have a crush on Joe?"
She nods her head yes. I must tell you, the girl is not a bit afraid of boys. She likes them very much and is unafraid to announce that they like her, too. But Joe? Really? He's the last boy on earth I thought she would crush on. There are some others...and I could name them, but I'd have to protect their identities as well, so I won't bother.
Anyway, I told her that we'd already said love and not from, so that was probably good enough. And so she insisted a help her draw another heart. And I'm pretty sure that she did put her name + his name on the front of the card. It was pretty stinking cute. And Joe, for all his four-year-old rambunctiousness, is a pretty cute kid. Still, she seemed pretty opposed to that boy!
Not much else to say but that that was truly unexpected.
Then she is drawing pictures on the front of the card. And she wants me to draw a heart. Again, I oblige her, but I'm growing more curious.
You see, this Joe character, well, he's not the sweet little boy type so much as he is just plain all boy. You know? He doesn't mean to harm anyone. He's nice enough and all that. But he's an active boy, and he likes to rough house. And he's been known to sort of terrorize the girls. And so I'm wondering what is going through her head because I've heard her run screaming from him. I've heard her cry to her mommy about how Joe is being mean or rough housing or whatever.
Then she drops the bomb. She tells me she wants it to say "I love you." !!! WHAT? You're four. So I ask her, "Do you have a crush on Joe?"
She nods her head yes. I must tell you, the girl is not a bit afraid of boys. She likes them very much and is unafraid to announce that they like her, too. But Joe? Really? He's the last boy on earth I thought she would crush on. There are some others...and I could name them, but I'd have to protect their identities as well, so I won't bother.
Anyway, I told her that we'd already said love and not from, so that was probably good enough. And so she insisted a help her draw another heart. And I'm pretty sure that she did put her name + his name on the front of the card. It was pretty stinking cute. And Joe, for all his four-year-old rambunctiousness, is a pretty cute kid. Still, she seemed pretty opposed to that boy!
Not much else to say but that that was truly unexpected.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Job (As in the Bible...Not as in I'm Working...)
Ask and you shall receive.
So I think I get Job. I remember when I was in my early twenties. I read up on Job because I just didn't understand why the Lord would allow all those things to happen to him. I had many questions. Most of those questions were unanswered, even after I studied up and tried to understand. And now I get it. It isn't so much about the allowing those things to happen.
It's about Job never cursing God.
Of course, I knew that was important to the story. I couldn't understand why he didn't curse God. I couldn't understand why he didn't yell and blame and get angry over all of it. But mostly I just didn't get why God kept letting Job suffer. It's a always been a real sticking point for me.
And then tonight I was thinking about how people get offended about little things or big things. Like I might get mad because someone asked me why I wasn't married or why I was being so picky. As if it is a choice I've made not to date. As if I'm just turning down the gentlemen callers left and right.
Maybe some people think I have sinned and done something wrong to cause this single state of mine. Maybe I should get upset when I hear Mormon men and women say what a waste it is that a woman would get so much schooling because they are so obviously ignoring marriage and child-bearing/rearing. They might quote a tidbit from a prior general authority or whatever. And I should stew and steam about it.
I mean, isn't that what Job's friends and family members were telling him to do? Steam and stew and get mad. Curse God. Right? But he didn't.
And that is the point. I don't have to stew and steam and get mad about what others say I should or should not be doing. The fact is, it's my choice to make. And if I choose to thank God for my life and all my blessings, then that is my business and has nothing whatever to do with anyone else. And that is what Job said. He may have wondered and thought life was hard and such. However, he didn't let the discouraging things that others said get him to a point where he would blame the Lord for his state.
It is discouraging to hear people say such things. But I can't help but think that I too have said things that weren't kind or easy to hear. I've given offense. Perhaps I have caused someone to question God. If I did, I can say that I didn't mean to because I know I didn't. And maybe those people in Job's life meant well when they said, "Go ahead and vent. Get mad." Or, "What did you do that was so wrong that would cause this suffering? It must be your own fault for doing something horrid. Repent"
Only that wasn't true, now, was it? No it was not. But God knew, and Job knew. that was all that mattered. What others had to say had nothing whatsoever to do with Job and God.
So I'm going to try to be more careful about what I say to others. And I'm not going to worry about the judgments others might pass on me. I'm going to try to be a little more like Job.
So I think I get Job. I remember when I was in my early twenties. I read up on Job because I just didn't understand why the Lord would allow all those things to happen to him. I had many questions. Most of those questions were unanswered, even after I studied up and tried to understand. And now I get it. It isn't so much about the allowing those things to happen.
It's about Job never cursing God.
Of course, I knew that was important to the story. I couldn't understand why he didn't curse God. I couldn't understand why he didn't yell and blame and get angry over all of it. But mostly I just didn't get why God kept letting Job suffer. It's a always been a real sticking point for me.
And then tonight I was thinking about how people get offended about little things or big things. Like I might get mad because someone asked me why I wasn't married or why I was being so picky. As if it is a choice I've made not to date. As if I'm just turning down the gentlemen callers left and right.
Maybe some people think I have sinned and done something wrong to cause this single state of mine. Maybe I should get upset when I hear Mormon men and women say what a waste it is that a woman would get so much schooling because they are so obviously ignoring marriage and child-bearing/rearing. They might quote a tidbit from a prior general authority or whatever. And I should stew and steam about it.
I mean, isn't that what Job's friends and family members were telling him to do? Steam and stew and get mad. Curse God. Right? But he didn't.
And that is the point. I don't have to stew and steam and get mad about what others say I should or should not be doing. The fact is, it's my choice to make. And if I choose to thank God for my life and all my blessings, then that is my business and has nothing whatever to do with anyone else. And that is what Job said. He may have wondered and thought life was hard and such. However, he didn't let the discouraging things that others said get him to a point where he would blame the Lord for his state.
It is discouraging to hear people say such things. But I can't help but think that I too have said things that weren't kind or easy to hear. I've given offense. Perhaps I have caused someone to question God. If I did, I can say that I didn't mean to because I know I didn't. And maybe those people in Job's life meant well when they said, "Go ahead and vent. Get mad." Or, "What did you do that was so wrong that would cause this suffering? It must be your own fault for doing something horrid. Repent"
Only that wasn't true, now, was it? No it was not. But God knew, and Job knew. that was all that mattered. What others had to say had nothing whatsoever to do with Job and God.
So I'm going to try to be more careful about what I say to others. And I'm not going to worry about the judgments others might pass on me. I'm going to try to be a little more like Job.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Believe
Just read this..." Since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him." (Isaiah 64:4)
I've often wondered what message it is that I'm supposed to get from the struggle. You know? I mean waiting, wondering, hoping, wishing, crying, praying, changing, repenting, committing, falling apart and starting it all over again.
But even Christ came to an end of His pain. Even Christ said, "It is finished." And oh what a finish it was. I believe in Christ and I believe that the wait is worth it. I believe that even if right now it is hard, that life continues to be beautiful. Even in all the waiting, wondering, hoping, wishing, crying, praying, changing, repenting, committing and falling apart. Life is beautiful.
I've often wondered what message it is that I'm supposed to get from the struggle. You know? I mean waiting, wondering, hoping, wishing, crying, praying, changing, repenting, committing, falling apart and starting it all over again.
But even Christ came to an end of His pain. Even Christ said, "It is finished." And oh what a finish it was. I believe in Christ and I believe that the wait is worth it. I believe that even if right now it is hard, that life continues to be beautiful. Even in all the waiting, wondering, hoping, wishing, crying, praying, changing, repenting, committing and falling apart. Life is beautiful.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Gave It Up
So I used to watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette. Some seasons more faithfully than others. And then that whole Jake Pavelka thing happened and I sort of thought to myself, "What the what? Why do I watch this show? I actually find it morally repugnant." Because I do.
And yet it is like a train wreck that you cannot pull your eyes from and once you are in, you are in. I thought it was especially fascinating to watch twenty-some-odd women or twenty-some-odd men throw themselves into the game...the way they would treat one another, the comments behind others' backs, the preening and strutting and dramatics. It's pretty interesting the way we humans can behave, I tell you. And it becomes all about "the win." Like if this person chooses you, then you can sigh and say, "Oh, I'm pretty/handsome. Oh, I'm worth while or valuable...or..."WHATEVER!
It's no mystery why the relationships rarely work. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with an attractive person who just whisked you away on a helicopter ride or a trip to the Bahamas? And really life isn't like that, as we are all so very aware. The magic wears off and you're right back where you started.
What I wonder is do these bachelors or bachelorettes actually watch the show and yet go on anyway, believing it will all work out in the end? Really? I just don't get it.
Anyway, so I stopped watching because, well, I just don't believe that we should ever, under any circumstances, treat other people that way. All of if. Shouldn't happen. And then I heard rumors about another Mormon on the show. So I did a little look-e-loo. Just to see what was up since people who I know either know him or his ex-wife. And man, that was some seriously sociopathic (word? ah who cares) behavior. As in, the world exists only for my pleasure and I really don't even understand how others get upset. Only I can get upset because only I have feelings. Everyone else is just here for my purposes. You know, that sort of behavior.
Of course...I found my skin crawling. I was getting sort of upset and what not, and thinking, "How dare he?" And, "What a jerk!" And, "I'd give him a piece of my mind!"
And then it all made sense. That is why I stopped watching. That's the kind of person who wants to be on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. And so I will not watch them or invest any kind of emotional energy since it ridiculousness anyway. And a waste. And most especially, it has nothing what-so-ever to do with my life.
And yet it is like a train wreck that you cannot pull your eyes from and once you are in, you are in. I thought it was especially fascinating to watch twenty-some-odd women or twenty-some-odd men throw themselves into the game...the way they would treat one another, the comments behind others' backs, the preening and strutting and dramatics. It's pretty interesting the way we humans can behave, I tell you. And it becomes all about "the win." Like if this person chooses you, then you can sigh and say, "Oh, I'm pretty/handsome. Oh, I'm worth while or valuable...or..."WHATEVER!
It's no mystery why the relationships rarely work. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with an attractive person who just whisked you away on a helicopter ride or a trip to the Bahamas? And really life isn't like that, as we are all so very aware. The magic wears off and you're right back where you started.
What I wonder is do these bachelors or bachelorettes actually watch the show and yet go on anyway, believing it will all work out in the end? Really? I just don't get it.
Anyway, so I stopped watching because, well, I just don't believe that we should ever, under any circumstances, treat other people that way. All of if. Shouldn't happen. And then I heard rumors about another Mormon on the show. So I did a little look-e-loo. Just to see what was up since people who I know either know him or his ex-wife. And man, that was some seriously sociopathic (word? ah who cares) behavior. As in, the world exists only for my pleasure and I really don't even understand how others get upset. Only I can get upset because only I have feelings. Everyone else is just here for my purposes. You know, that sort of behavior.
Of course...I found my skin crawling. I was getting sort of upset and what not, and thinking, "How dare he?" And, "What a jerk!" And, "I'd give him a piece of my mind!"
And then it all made sense. That is why I stopped watching. That's the kind of person who wants to be on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. And so I will not watch them or invest any kind of emotional energy since it ridiculousness anyway. And a waste. And most especially, it has nothing what-so-ever to do with my life.
Friday, June 3, 2011
A Little Coldplay
Well, I am sitting here listening to a little Coldplay (new song!!!! Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall). It makes me want a few things:
1. To go for a long run because the beat, the beat, the beat...I can see my feet pounding the pavement to it already.
2. To go to London and lay down, right there in the grass at Kensington Gardens and stare up at the sky, and later maybe wander through the Tate. A girl gets a craving for London every once in a while.
3. To write and be creative and maybe even paint. (Chris Martin is my muse!)
4. To forget all about life as I know it. To be someone else just for a moment, for the experience, you know.
5. To live live live!
6. To fall in love and maybe get my heartbroken one more time, just to know that I can.
7. To be dancing at a live Coldplay show like no one was there to watch!
8. To laugh so hard with a few friends (maybe Kamilah, Janet, Jen, Dawn, Jamie, Adrienne, Jamie, Brie, Camille...to name just a few) that I either cry or pee my pants.
9. To rest and to be at peace with the world and all my experiences, good or bad.
10. Just to believe.
1. To go for a long run because the beat, the beat, the beat...I can see my feet pounding the pavement to it already.
2. To go to London and lay down, right there in the grass at Kensington Gardens and stare up at the sky, and later maybe wander through the Tate. A girl gets a craving for London every once in a while.
3. To write and be creative and maybe even paint. (Chris Martin is my muse!)
4. To forget all about life as I know it. To be someone else just for a moment, for the experience, you know.
5. To live live live!
6. To fall in love and maybe get my heartbroken one more time, just to know that I can.
7. To be dancing at a live Coldplay show like no one was there to watch!
8. To laugh so hard with a few friends (maybe Kamilah, Janet, Jen, Dawn, Jamie, Adrienne, Jamie, Brie, Camille...to name just a few) that I either cry or pee my pants.
9. To rest and to be at peace with the world and all my experiences, good or bad.
10. Just to believe.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Do You Remember?
The last day of school is here upon us in TXas. And now the kids will all be home for the day, and everyone will run around finding things to do.
And Claire said to me, "It'll be over too fast, and pretty soon we'll all be back in school," all disappointed like.
And so I said, "Well, it's only the first day of summer. You have the whole thing in front of you right now."
Do you remember that? Oh I do. I remember hopping joyfully down the school bus stairs and practically running the whole way home. We had to go about a quarter of a mile to get to the school bus, maybe a little more than that. I remember walking to that bus stop in some nasty cold snow. Oh but not on the first day of summer. No, that was a day for skipping and dreaming and thinking of all the adventures I would have.
First there would be the trampoline and sprinklers. And then there would be trips to the pool. Oh, and don't forget the sleepovers any night of the week. Imagine that! Any old night of the week I could go on over to Christy Walker's house. Or she maybe could come to mine. And when I got older and we had the tree house that we could sleep in! Well, you can just forget about it. It was stupendous. (Can you tell I really am trying to make stupendous happen?)
Oh, I knew I'd get to go to the library and get as many books as I wanted. And I would curl up on a porch, under a tree, in my bed, on a couch - just any place at all, really. I would read to my heart's content. I even remember that one summer when I started my script for Anne of Green Gables because I just knew it would make the perfect movie. And then someone else came along and stole my idea and made it into a movie. I was disappointed that someone dare do such a thing. But then I couldn't stay mad too long. Because how can one stay mad when Megan Fellows was such a perfect Anne. I still have a crush on Jonathan Crombie (aka Gilbert Blythe)...hello. I was even in love with Gilbert Blythe before the movie.
But I especially like that there it was, a whole summer of delightsome adventures to be had. Yep, today is the first day of summer vacation!
And Claire said to me, "It'll be over too fast, and pretty soon we'll all be back in school," all disappointed like.
And so I said, "Well, it's only the first day of summer. You have the whole thing in front of you right now."
Do you remember that? Oh I do. I remember hopping joyfully down the school bus stairs and practically running the whole way home. We had to go about a quarter of a mile to get to the school bus, maybe a little more than that. I remember walking to that bus stop in some nasty cold snow. Oh but not on the first day of summer. No, that was a day for skipping and dreaming and thinking of all the adventures I would have.
First there would be the trampoline and sprinklers. And then there would be trips to the pool. Oh, and don't forget the sleepovers any night of the week. Imagine that! Any old night of the week I could go on over to Christy Walker's house. Or she maybe could come to mine. And when I got older and we had the tree house that we could sleep in! Well, you can just forget about it. It was stupendous. (Can you tell I really am trying to make stupendous happen?)
Oh, I knew I'd get to go to the library and get as many books as I wanted. And I would curl up on a porch, under a tree, in my bed, on a couch - just any place at all, really. I would read to my heart's content. I even remember that one summer when I started my script for Anne of Green Gables because I just knew it would make the perfect movie. And then someone else came along and stole my idea and made it into a movie. I was disappointed that someone dare do such a thing. But then I couldn't stay mad too long. Because how can one stay mad when Megan Fellows was such a perfect Anne. I still have a crush on Jonathan Crombie (aka Gilbert Blythe)...hello. I was even in love with Gilbert Blythe before the movie.
But I especially like that there it was, a whole summer of delightsome adventures to be had. Yep, today is the first day of summer vacation!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I Mean Really!
So starting in May, I've been really super diligent about my workouts. Because well, I'm pretty stinking tired of worrying about my weight and such. So taking control and all that sounded like a better idea than continuing on with the worry.
And guess what, taking action really has shifted my focus from feeling bad about my body to feeling positive about my body. Really! I mean really!
But today, friends, today. I worked out twice. Which I have been doing, and not too infrequently, if I might toot my own horn for a moment. So there I was, with a friend who invited me to go to a class with her at the Y. (Thanks again Michelle...you are awesome...oh and the friend's name is Michelle, so no, I am not referring to myself, which would be strange.)
And this workout, well, it was the second workout of the day. We walked for a mile first, and then we headed in to do a sculpting class. And boy oh boy, I am pretty certain that I am going to be feeling it tomorrow. I mean, there were some serious moves in this workout. It was pretty impressively difficult is what it was. The instructor was some kind of drill sergeant to boot. Drill sergeant like she made me feel like I was a quitter if I didn't keep going. And I admit, some things I struggled to keep up with. But I'm not ashamed because I was trying my darndest.
Oh, and thanks Jillian Michaels. If I hadn't been doing those cruel DVDs of yours, I never ever would have been able to keep up.
So here is to one month down of making the daily effort...and here is to the start of month two.
P to the S...Did you notice how I've written over 100 posts now? Did you? Pretty sweet, baby!
And guess what, taking action really has shifted my focus from feeling bad about my body to feeling positive about my body. Really! I mean really!
But today, friends, today. I worked out twice. Which I have been doing, and not too infrequently, if I might toot my own horn for a moment. So there I was, with a friend who invited me to go to a class with her at the Y. (Thanks again Michelle...you are awesome...oh and the friend's name is Michelle, so no, I am not referring to myself, which would be strange.)
And this workout, well, it was the second workout of the day. We walked for a mile first, and then we headed in to do a sculpting class. And boy oh boy, I am pretty certain that I am going to be feeling it tomorrow. I mean, there were some serious moves in this workout. It was pretty impressively difficult is what it was. The instructor was some kind of drill sergeant to boot. Drill sergeant like she made me feel like I was a quitter if I didn't keep going. And I admit, some things I struggled to keep up with. But I'm not ashamed because I was trying my darndest.
Oh, and thanks Jillian Michaels. If I hadn't been doing those cruel DVDs of yours, I never ever would have been able to keep up.
So here is to one month down of making the daily effort...and here is to the start of month two.
P to the S...Did you notice how I've written over 100 posts now? Did you? Pretty sweet, baby!
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