Parallel Lives

Sometimes when I am pondering about how my life has gone and how it has not gone, I like to kick back and think for a moment about another me. I have told you over and over and over again then things I do not have in my life and oh the great distress it causes unto my heart, so I won't do that today.

Today, I will tell you that sometimes I like to believe there actually is a parallel universe out there in the world, just like some of those super smart physicists believe...the rockety science minded people who grasp onto string theory and actually get physics and calculus and geometrical angles and how to make a universal remote actually do its job. I'm not sure my vision of a parallel universe is what they might have in mind, but whatever. This isn't some science treatise, anyways Tina! It's pretty much a made up idea of the other me and what she does.

Here's what I think. Life is unfair, man. It is. Good folks with stable lives and stable marriages can't have babies, and yet young, naive fifteen-year-old girls get preggers left and right. People do some mean stuff to nice peeps who are just your average law abiding citizenry and what not. Others get horrible diseases even though they didn't deserve those diseases. But it seems like some people get to live ultra special, happy, wonderful lives. Now I know we all have our own troubles, Charlie Brown. But I do think some people get super lucky in life, and I'm not quite sure I understand the inequality.

Anyway, so sometimes when I'm thinking of other people and their sparkly, happy lives (and just to be completely and entirely clear, I am NOT talking about celebs and the like...no I do NOT think the Kardashians live a charmed life) I think well, there is this other me out there in a parallel universe and she is living my charmed life, and I am living this hard one. And one day, when all is said and done, our lives will fuse back together, and I will know the charmed life, and she will know this one and because we are one, we will understand both.

And then it won't feel like I'm missing anything anymore. I will feel like my life is complete and whole and everything I hoped for...the husband, the babies, the white picket fence and the trips to Disneyland...all of it will be there as it has always been. I won't feel this empty hole in my life because all of that sadness will be swallowed up by a new understanding. And then it will be just as though all those charmed things, those sparkly, bright and happy things, happened, really happened.

Oh my, but this is sad. I didn't mean it to be that way. I thought it would sound happy to say it all out loud, but now that I've written it down, it seems rather morose, and it makes me feel sad.