Goals...

I got up at seven a.m. this morning, and it was dark outside. And I was tired. I wanted to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep. Several times throughout the day, I thought about nodding off to take a nap. But I had set some goals, and I had to finish a project, and if I went to bed, something on the list was going to have to go out the window.

Isn't it funny how when you think, the days before you start your goals, that it is going to be so awesome, and you are going to love getting your act together and making those changes for the better?

We'll think about January 1st for a moment, shall we? Or rather, we will think about the days leading up to January 1st. You've got your list of new year's resolutions. You've been thinking about goals and the things you want to change, do better, and so forth. So you are ready for that day, and you feel great about the list you've made. You are actually sort of excited about this new life you are going to be living, all these amazing things you are going to accomplish, all the discipline you will muster because this year is the year.

And then January 1st actually comes. You've promised yourself that you will get out of bed by six a.m. Six a.m. is no fun for you. You hate the morning. You are a night owl. And then the healthy eating habits begin and you realize that those left-over cakes, cookies and pastries have to be thrown out, or you will succumb to temptation, and you want to cry as you think of all the sugary goodness you won't be enjoying. The exercise goal you set now seems impossible, and you huff and puff your way through it. And by the end of the day, you wish you could fish those goodies out of the trash and sit down and forget all about goals and change and whatnot. The old life was just fine, you say to yourself. Nothing wrong with the way things were going before you decided on that list of self-improvements.

But you know, deep down, that isn't true, that there was something wrong with eating your weight in sugar on a regular basis or skipping the work outs or forgetting about your spiritual health. There was something wrong with spending hours in front of the t.v. instead of reading a good book or cleaning your house. Still, what you know about what is "best" for you doesn't make it "fun" or "thrilling" or any number of things you thought it would be when you were making up that list of goals.

So why is it that we anticipate this change, these new goals, as exciting? Why do we sit down with glee and think about how awesome it is going to be when we set out to improve our lives? Maybe it is because we are anticipating the end goal...which is to feel better about our lives in general. Maybe, like me, you see yourself fitting into that one pair of jeans that you haven't been able to get into for several years. Maybe, like me, you see yourself with your finished...and published...book in hand.

But like me, you didn't really think about the in between. You didn't think about what it would feel like to go to bed at an early-ish hour so that you could get up at a decent one in the morning. You didn't think about the aches that would come from a work-out long neglected or the cravings that would come when you gave up a bad habit. Oh those darned cravings!

I made my list this weekend and contemplated how I was going to make it work. I came up with a reward/consequence program. I made up a contract and sent it to my sister-in-law. And now is the time. I have to live up to what I promised myself I would do. I have to write 2,000 words a day when I think what I am writing is junk. I have to exercise for two hours when I feel like the scale is my enemy and I'm frustrated that the week before, after sixteen hours of exercise and good eating, I lost half a pound. I have to count the ounces of water I am drinking and cut back, seriously cut back, on sugar when all I want is a diet coke and some watermelon candies.

One day in, people, one day in. And guess what? I have to keep going. Maybe next week or next month or in three months, I will look back and say it was worth it. But oh how I tricked myself this weekend. Because today was not anything to be excited about. At least I can say I did what I said I would. And that does feel good.