Guilt

Sometimes I feel bad about being me. Not about how I look, or what I say, or how many times I exercised in a week.

No this is more of a guilt about being me. I feel like I got more than my fair share sometimes in life. I'm not living in poverty. I've never gone hungry unless it was by choice, and even then, never more than twenty-four hours. I've never wondered if I would have a place to sleep or clothes to wear.

I've always had friends and family to help me. I've never been entirely rejected - because there was always someone there. Always.

I've had a really good education. I'm gifted. And hey, I can read and write. Which is saying something. Even if we get jaded and forget that reading and writing are blessings.

I've traveled...a lot. To places I only dreamed of seeing when I was little and would curl up with an encyclopedia to find out more about the Eiffel Tower or Loch Ness.

And of course I have a testimony of Christ. And that is probably more important than all the rest.

And sometimes all of this makes me feel guilty - like why are others born into poverty? Why do some people have physical or mental ailments? Why do some people get rejected by parents, family, peers?

I'm not talking about choice here...I'm talking about when and where you were born and to whom. Because all of those things matter. They more than matter. They determine.

But then something occurred to me. It's useless to feel guilt over it - as if it was a question I decided myself. This is my life, regardless of whether or not I could have had different parents or whether or not I could have been born in a different time and place. I never had control over this part of it.

And that reminds me of the parable of the talents. Christ taught that you use your gifts to the best of your ability and that a wise steward will multiply her gifts. She will make them grow...whether they be few or many. An unwise servant will be afraid and will even, perhaps, waste what she is given. So it is better to take advantage of your gifts rather than to be afraid.

I shouldn't feel guilty because this is what my life is. God loves me, and He gave this life to me. Why? I'm not totally sure. But I am grateful. I am very grateful.