Courage

The friends got together tonight for a little dinner, and then we headed over to April's house to give her a gift and to let her know that we are thinking of her. I know I keep talking about her and Cindy, but I cannot help myself. They are just amazing. And hearing April tell us of her boy's last moments here on earth was beautiful.

I was left with a feeling as we went away. That woman has courage. (Long aside here for a moment. Bear with me. It is strange to say "woman" because the whole time I was sitting there, I kept thinking how can this be happening? I mean, in my mind, we are all seventeen and carefree and how can she possibly be the mother of four boys??? It doesn't hurt that she looks just like the girl I knew then. She's so amazing. Did I say that already? Well, it is true. I cannot even tell you how much I hope I can be like her one day.)

Anyway, back to courage. It takes a lot of courage to let him go when she loves him so so much. And I don't think she would ever complain about a day, not a moment, of the sacrifice that went into raising him because she had such faith. In fact, I think it is pretty safe to say she wouldn't have called it a sacrifice at all. The blessing of his life is so much more. She is right! What a blessing to have a child, a spirit of God, a soul like Caleb in her home. I believe with all my heart that he is one of the valiant ones, chosen to come to April because she, too, is one of the valiant. She is one of the best...the best of the best, and it is a privilege to call her a friend.

I am learning, too, that I know little, if anything, of what it means to love unconditionally. We expect so much from those around us. And I think children like Caleb remind us that love should not ever come with the expectation of something in return...tit for tat as they say. It is something to be given freely, and that was what he was able to give to his family. He loved them without any strings attached, and they loved him back in just the same way.

I know Caleb was here for so much longer than anyone expected. But somehow his death is a little more painful because of the sweet, pure and unconditional love that he had for everyone. Words don't do justice to how much love I felt from April. I hope one day I get to experience that kind of love for my own child. I think it might be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, the love of a mother. Oh I hope to experience it for myself.